


What To Expect When You're Expecting (And a Demon King Needs to Be Reborn.)

by curlypeakism, Miso



Category: Ghostbusters (Movies 1984-1989)
Genre: (and poorly written at that by me not miso), (light content tbh), M/M, Morning Sickness, Pregnancy, Sexual Content, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, family au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6939514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlypeakism/pseuds/curlypeakism, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miso/pseuds/Miso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the intermittent time between the shutdown and 1989, Ray and Egon had done plenty. Their own apartment had been a big jump of its own, then the bookstore and Egon’s getting students and lab space of course. Oh, and the pregnancy.</p><p>otherwise known as stantzler accidentally conceives and they get pursued by an old carpathian warlord.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> islip does magic.

**Prologue**

 

_ April 1st, 1989. _

 

Maybe it was the weather, maybe it was the fact that they finally had some time to just be alone after the chaotic month they’d had previously. Egon had been absolutely swamped with work from Columbia- if not grading students or scheduling lectures, then he had been practically barricaded into his lab. Ray, on the other hand, had gotten more freight shipments than he’d ever seen in one place at the bookstore (how he got that many, he wasn’t sure). He’d spent entire days just trying to find space in the little corner of the store that wasn’t already chock full for everything. It wasn’t going especially well. A weekend at the house Ray’s parents had left him in Islip seemed like the perfect getaway.

 

Admittedly, it did feel a little heinous, for Ray anyway, to be under his husband in the same living room and the same home he’d been born in and spent countless childhood summer after childhood summer at, but the pretty heavy month they’d had made that less of a problem. Of course, not much was a problem for Ray once Egon and sex were involved, but it still bothered Spengler to some degree.

 

“Doesn’t it feel a little bit… strange to be about to do this in-”

 

“Not if you don’t talk about it,” Ray murmured, tangling his fingers into Egon’s hair. “Don’t make it awkward, Egie. I need this. You need this.”

 

“I won’t argue with that,” Egon replied, his voice a bit huskier. “A bit of… intimacy-”

 

“Sex.”

 

“ _ Intimacy  _ should be rather nice after the stressful month we’ve both had.” Egon nipped at Ray’s neck gently, leaving the tiniest bruise to mark his territory. “On the couch, however-”

 

“Oh my God, Egon, not everyone is into having missionary position, under-the-covers, lights-off sex every single time,” Ray groaned. “Just shut up and get naked.”

 

Their clothes met the carpet in a haphazard pile - a tie there, a sweater here, a plaid shirt and a starched oxford tossed onto the coffee table - and they were laid onto the couch, Ray’s head rested in Egon’s shoulder and his arms around his neck. As Egon’s hands wandered lower, Ray’s muffled moans grew in volume, his own hands rubbing and raking at his partner’s back and neck. He was always the loud one. He thought he was going to come with just Egon’s hands on him, let alone anything else.

 

“Wait… Egie…” Ray moaned breathlessly. “...C-condom?”

 

“I...don’t think I could find one…” Egon’s voice was husky with his arousal, despite his attempts to keep a semblance of his usual put-together demeanor in the heat of the moment. “It’s okay...you didn’t miss your pill, did you?”

 

“I don’t think so...oh, Jesus, Egon, I’m gonna explode if you don’t just do it.”

 

Egon nodded a bit. “Right… sh-should I pull out before I… you know? Just in case?”

 

“Christ, probably. Just shut up and-” Ray gasped as Egon cut him off by pressing into him. He clung onto his partner’s shoulders and trembled. “... Thank you,” he whispered, sounding almost relieved.

 

Egon was so keyed-up by this point he felt like he could have come from just that. “It doesn’t take me all day to follow directions, Raymond,” he murmured, chuckling a bit as he started moving, only to be cut off by Ray practically pulling him in deeper. “Good lord, Ray, keep that up and I’m not going to last very long.”

 

“Neither am I.” Ray smiled a little. “Which is why we’re gonna move to the staircase,” he kissed Egon’s cheek, “Then the hall upstairs,” a kiss to the jaw, “and then you’re gonna do this all over again in the bedroom… all. Night. Long.”

 

“You absolute tease,” Egon snarled, digging his fingers into Ray’s hips in an attempt to maintain something resembling composure. 

 

Ray’s giggle turned into another loud moan of pleasure. Soon, Egon’s own low sounds joined Ray’s, as they both got closer to the point of no return. Closer, closer…

 

A last strangled sound escaped the both of them, and the two of them laid back, panting and sweaty. In the haze of orgasm, something briefly occurred to Ray as he laid his head on Egon’s chest.

 

“Egie?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Did you...did you, y’know?”

 

“...I...don’t believe so.”

 

There was a brief pause, and for a moment, things were still.

 

Then he felt it.

 

“Shit.” It didn’t really sink at first, but then, “Shit, shit, shit! Egon, you forgot!”

 

Egon’s entire body tensed. He groaned, buried his face in his hands, and let out a quiet, “Damn it. I’m sorry, sunshine…”

 

Ray sighed a little. “No, no, it… it should be okay. I mean… I don’t think I skipped my pill. I hope.”

 

“Well… bad comes to worse, I’ll get emergency contraception, and-”

 

“Oh my god, no. Not in this town. You would be hung from the nearest oak tree, Egon.”

 

“Surely it isn’t-”

 

“My brother tried to buy a girlie magazine when we were kids and nearly got arrested, okay? You would be a dead man if you tried to buy Plan B here.”

 

“I can’t exactly drive all the way back to New York for it, sunshine. What do you suggest we do?”

 

“God. I don’t know. Hope I don’t get pregnant, I guess.”

 

“... That’s your best offer, then?”

 

“Shit, Egon, I don’t know what else to do.” Ray sighed and rubbed his temples. “I… don’t want this to put a damper on our trip, though.”

 

“You’re still going to have me do acrobatics in order to do this on the staircase, aren’t you?”

  
“I was planning on it.”


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the test comes back blue and things are pretty topsy turvy from then on.

**Chapter One**

 

Ray groaned. He looked at the box, read the instructions for the tenth time already, looked at the test again, and groaned again.

 

First, he’d been late a few weeks after they got back from Islip, but his own fears made him dismiss it as stress or just his body being its normally irregular self. Then his chest was sore, he could hardly stay awake sitting at the bookstore, and he hadn’t even gone in today because he couldn’t last more than a few seconds, moving too much, or smelling anything without throwing up. 

 

“Oh,  _ no. _ ”

 

His heart was ready to pound out of his chest. He looked at the box, and at the test one more time.

 

Definitely blue.

 

Definitely positive.

 

Definitely pregnant.

 

“Fuck.” Ray sighed and leaned back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” This was terrible. Worst-case scenario. What would he tell Winston and Peter when they inevitably asked? Janine? Louis?

 

Worst of all, what was he going to tell Egon?  It wasn’t like he could hide it for too long. Sooner or later, he would show, and it would be pretty glaringly obvious what was going on. 

 

“Goddammit.”

 

“Sunshine? Everything alright in there?”

 

“Just fine, Egie!” Ray forced himself to sound like he wasn’t about to have a panic attack for the ages. Or throw up for the hundredth time.

 

Well, he’d have to tell him sooner or later.

 

Just not right now.

 

Ray took a moment to breathe in deep, putting the test back in the box and tossing it into the drawer under some other things. He opened the door, to Egon hovering nearby with a look of concern.

 

“Is that virus still bothering you?” The latter asked, putting a light kiss on Ray’s cheek. ‘Virus’. Ray’s stomach churned with anxiety - or with hormones from the little piece of offspring currently hanging around inside of him. 

 

“Um...yeah.” A bubble of anxious laughter left Ray, and he took the opportunity to pick up Mozart as the cat hovered around his ankles.

 

“Are you sure? You don’t look so well.”

 

“No, me? Come on, now Egon.” Ray continued his anxious laughter and shook his head, smiling shakily.

 

“You’ve been sick all week, but... alright,” Egon said quietly, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “I suppose you know yourself best.” He kissed Ray’s forehead gently. “Do you want something to eat? I could make you some toast, or something easy on your-”

 

“NO!”

 

Egon jumped, and the cat took the opportunity to leap from Ray’s arms. Ray’s nervous laughter and smile returned. “I, ah… I don’t know if I could keep it down, is all. Just smelling food is enough to make me hurl lately.”

 

“... Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah. Sorry, Egie, I’m just… not hungry.”

 

“Okay…” Egon sighed a little. “At least drink some water, sunshine? You look… pale.”

 

“... Yeah. Alright. Water, I think I can manage.”

 

He hurried down the hall before Egon could ask anything further. He stood in front of the kitchen sink, trying his best to keep a steady hand on the glass he was holding. Random anxious thoughts ran through his head as he took a cautious sip of tap water - what if Egon found it? What if he could tell how weird he was being? What if-?

 

A petulant meow interrupted Ray’s pondering. He looked down at the cat by his feet, and almost choked. Mozart, the asshole cat he was, liked to rifle through drawers. “Oh, God.” Of all the things he could’ve dragged out.

 

“Mozart!” Ray whisper-yelled, through gritted teeth. “Bad kitty!” He grabbed the test and quickly shoved it into a random cabinet in a panic. Well, not the best place to store a positive pregnancy test, but it was good in a rush. Mozart meowed again and set about washing his face. Asshole cat, indeed. “You should be so proud of yourself,” Ray muttered, sipping the water again. Egon entered the room then.

 

“That helping at all, sunshine?” he asked, a concerned smile on his face. Ray nodded a little, forcing another smile. Egon wrapped his arms around Ray’s shoulders and pulled him into a gentle embrace. “I’ll call my mother later. She probably has a remedy we can use…”

 

“Uh.” Ray smiled a little, nervously. “Th-thanks, but I don’t think her chicken soup is gonna take care of this. Just gotta let it pass, is all.”

 

“It always worked for me.”

 

“You’re her son. There’s also the placebo effect to take into account there, so-” Mozart meowed again. Ray tensed. Sure, he’d shoved the test in a cabinet, but he hadn’t shut the door.

 

“Mozart?” Egon asked. “What do you-” he paused. Ray bit his lip and prepared for the incoming storm.

 

Ray lowered his head as Egon took the object from the cat’s mouth, examining it closely. “Is this...is this yours?” 

 

He couldn’t even give a plausible lie. So, Ray only nodded and grimaced a little.

 

A hundred and one things were running through Egon’s head. It made sense, and he couldn’t make the correlation - the aversions, the nausea, the fatigue, the aches. Everything lined up and he’d missed it. So...they were pregnant. Or Ray was. That figure of speech was beyond confusing.

 

“... Oh,” Egon muttered. “And… blue means…”

 

Ray nodded again.

 

A moment of silence passed. Egon just stared at the test for a few more moments, then said, “I… need to sit down.”

 

He barely made it to the dining room table before he fainted. He would take caution to omit that detail whenever someone asked when he found out.

 

He came to a few minutes later, Ray fanning him with a takeout menu and Mozart laying on his chest purring. Asshole cat. “... You alright?” Ray asked softly, when Egon finally opened his eyes.

 

“... I think so.”

 

“You went down pretty hard.”

 

“You literally floored me.” Egon smiled a bit, but it quickly faded. “... Islip, huh?”

 

“That’s my best guess.”

 

“Well… what are you going to do?”

 

That was something Ray hadn’t thought about. He could just... _ take care of it.  _ It. It. He could hardly call it an ‘it’ - not quite a person, but they at least deserved to be acknowledged as a potential person. An abortion was an option, but it wasn’t.

 

“I don’t...I don’t think I want to get rid of it, Spengs.”

 

“You don’t have to do a thing you don’t want to, Ray. In the end, it’s your choice. Ours, but yours in the end.”

 

Ray nodded a little bit, sitting beside Egon on the floor. He hadn’t willed himself up yet. “So… you won’t be upset if I keep it?”

 

“Of course not. It’s not my body. It’s yours.” Egon absently stroked Mozart’s fur. “If you want to keep it, that’s your choice. If you want to get rid of it, that’s your choice too.” He felt a little strange calling the ‘miracle’ “it.” Not many other options, though. “If you feel like you’re ready to be a father…”

 

“That’s the thing. I don’t know.” Ray laid a hand over his stomach, feeling it turn. “I… I mean, it’s not like it’s something we can undo if we keep it. It’s a baby. A kid.  _ Our  _ kid.”

 

“I know. You have options, Ray. Which one you pick is up to you in the end. I’ll support you no matter what.”

 

Ray smiled a genuine smile. “... Thanks, Egie. You’re sweet.”

 

“It’s the very least I can be, seeing as I managed to impregnate you.”

 

“Leave it to your boyfriend to have a uterus, right?” Ray laughed. Egon couldn’t help but smile with him.

 

“Whatever you choose to do with it, sunshine, that’s your business and yours alone.”

 

“Yeah. I know. I just… need to think about it.”

 

“Okay...we can think about it.”

 

They sat for a pregnant pause, then something occurred to Ray. Again.

  
“What’s your mother going to say?”


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the baby gets seen. and, three weeks overdue is a reality ray and egon learn about and learn to fear.

**Chapter Two**

 

Egon’d gotten used to his alarm no longer being the radio turning on when Ray got up before him or the cat deciding his chest was an excellent scratching pad. Instead, the mornings had started the same way since they'd found out they were going to have a baby - in the bathroom and quite miserable

 

“Ray, we can always reschedule the appointment if you aren't feeling...steady enough.” Egon said, keeping his voice low as he rubbed circles on his partner’s back over the old Rush shirt he was wearing and gingerly pushed back sweaty curls. He briefly pondered the effectiveness of trying to hold conversation with someone who was occupied with bad morning sickness, but then again, what really made sense in their life anymore?

 

It took Ray a moment to get his words out past the nausea, but he took a deep breath. “...No. I'm alright.” He sat up and pulled his face from the toilet, shaking his head and sighing. “The likelihood of the office smelling like cat litter, or coffee, or whatever else is next to non existent.”

 

“... If you insist, sunshine,” Egon said, still rubbing gentle circles on Ray’s back. Ray hiccuped, briefly held himself over the toilet bowl again, then sighed in relief when nothing further happened. “Ugh. Little bastard keeps doing this, I don’t know if I’ll survive to have him.”

 

Egon smiled a little bit. “You sure you’re okay, Ray?”

 

“Mm. I want to see him too, Egie.” Ray smiled back, looking absolutely exhausted all the same. “I’ll be ready in a second. Lemme… lemme brush my teeth. Use some Listerine or something.”

 

“Alright. I’ll be at the front door when you’re ready.” Egon kissed Ray’s temple gently, rubbed his back a couple more times, then stood and exited the bathroom, leaning against the front door’s frame.

 

They’d both been looking forward to (and simultaneously dreading) the first doctor’s appointment- the confirmation that the pregnancy was even viable was one thing, let alone the idea of seeing the baby, and maybe even finding out what it was (pink or blue walls had been the most important choice Egon had made in a long time). His heart was almost beating out of his ribcage when Ray finally left the bathroom. “Are you ready?”

 

“As I’ll ever be.”

 

Their voyage to the appointment to itself was relatively uneventful, although the city transportation threatened to rob Ray of what little their child has allowed him to keep down. Walking into a waiting room full of women and husbands (and some girlfriends), all in varying stages of pregnancy, was a bit of shock to both Egon and Ray. Not to mention they stood out like sore thumbs - two men sans a woman, and one looking like he could drop any second.

 

“Good God, Egie.” Ray mumbled low. “Am I gonna be that miserable and huge in a few months?”

 

“Not necessarily.”

 

“That's not reassuring.”

 

Egon gave his little dry half smile from behind the old _Popular Science_ he’d managed to find in the pile of magazines. “You'll be fine, Ray.”

 

“Stantz?”

 

They both jumped a bit at the sound of their being summoned back by a rather tired looking nurse at the door.

 

“C’mon back,” she droned, gesturing for Ray and Egon to follow her. She situated the two of them in a room after a few customary questions- height, weight, all that stuff. Alone for 10 minutes, at least (Ray figured, anyway), they were quiet at first.

 

“... What if they can’t find a heartbeat?” he asked quietly, his hand on his stomach. “What if-”

 

“Worrying won’t help that much, sunshine. They won’t be able to hear her heartbeat for yours.” Egon half-smiled again. Ray rolled his eyes and fixed his partner with a look. “Just trying to lighten the mood a bit,” Egon explained. “If they don’t find it, then, well… we move on, I suppose.”

 

“Just like that?”

 

“Well, no. I suppose not. I mean… I would certainly be upset. I’m sure you would too. It’s only natural we would mourn a while.”

 

“... Yeah.” Ray sighed a little. “I’m just… I’m scared. Everything’s happening so fast.”

 

“I know.” Egon gently took Ray’s hand. “I know. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly intimidated myself.” A genuine, tender smile. “We’re going to be alright. No matter what. I promise.”

 

“You better be right.” Ray smiled back and laughed softly. The door opened, and a doctor stepped in.

 

“Ray Stantz? Hi, I’m Dr. White. It’s nice to meet you.” She shook Ray’s hand, then paused. “Pardon my forwardness, but… you do look a bit out of place.”

 

“Trust me, no one is more surprised than I am,” Ray quipped.

 

“I would guess! But, we do live in the 1980s, and not medieval times, so we'll treat this as we'd treat anything else.” She smiled, and Egon and Ray both seemed to relax visibly. “Lay back.”

 

As the doctor’s hand kneaded gently over Ray’s middle, she began to ask questions. “So how far along do you think you are? Any symptoms?”

 

“Nausea. A lot of it.” Ray said, trying to think back and count away in his head. “We think it happened about two months ago?”

 

“Excellent, excellent.” Dr. White turned and reached for a container of some dubious-looking blue goo. “I'm just going to rub this on your stomach. It's cold, but try to relax, it’ll be over before you know it and we’ll be able to look at your baby and hear his heartbeat.”

 

Ray looked over at Egon and clenched onto his partner’s hand. Egon seemed troubled, deep in his own thought. Sure, early on, some morbid part of Ray had wished it was just a false positive, or it’d just go away, but now that it was really around-?

 

He jumped and winced slightly at the sudden sensation of cold. “God, you weren’t kidding!”

 

“Fair warning,” Dr. White said with a laugh. She then pulled over a machine and took hold of a wand. “Alright. Relax a bit for me, we’ll get a look at your little friend in there.” Flicking the machine on, she pressed the wand to Ray’s belly and moved it around for a moment. “Aha. Here we are.”

 

Ray felt his eyes widen at the picture on screen. “That’s… that’s him?”

 

“Indeed.” The doctor used her free hand to point to the screen. “That’s the head, right there. And here-” She pointed down lower. “Is the heart. Let’s get the sound on…”

 

A moment of fiddling with the machine later, she murmured, “Alright. Should be able to hear it now.”

 

Sure enough, Egon and Ray both heard it. A soft _ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump_ noise, with a gentle whooshing beneath it. Huh. “... They found the heartbeat, sunshine,” Egon said, voice breaking slightly despite his best efforts.

 

“Are you the father, sir?” Dr. White asked. Egon nodded wordlessly. “Well, one of them, I suppose,” she added, with a soft chuckle. “Congratulations. Everything looks like it’s in working order.”

 

The two of them made eye contact for a second, Ray laughing in relief. The gentle whooshing of the heartbeat, that little flicker of movement- it sure as hell wasn't any miracle, but it was something. A something they'd made, better than (most) of their work to boot.

 

“Well, at this stage, you can't tell yet what the sex is. And it seems like our buddy is camera shy right now. He's only about the size of a grape at the moment, so there isn't much else to see. Do you want a print?”

 

The ‘yes’ from both of them was so quick and enthusiastic, it caught the doctor off guard for a second.

 

“Well alright! I’ll go print it. You can wipe that off and hang out here for a second and we can come back and discuss your due date, and all that other fun stuff.”

 

A moment spent struggling with paper towels and the goo later, Ray pulled his shirt back down and smiled at Egon. “Goddamn.”

 

“Indeed.” Egon wiped the remnants of tears from his eyes. Back to stoic old Egon with the tree up his ass, then. “They can’t tell what it is for certain yet?”

 

“What the doctor said. I still think it’s a boy.” Ray laughed softly as Dr. White re-entered the room.

 

“Alright. I’ve got a couple wallet-size prints and one full-size one for you, gentlemen. Now, your due date… you are about two months along. I would say you likely conceived in early April, as you thought.”

 

“There’s something in the water in Islip,” Ray murmured, still staring at the sonogram.

 

“If you deliver on time, you should be due just before Christmas.”

 

“Any specific day…?”

 

“December 23rd. But,” Dr. White continued as she gave Ray a folder. “Don't count on that baby coming right on time, stroke of midnight the day of. You can be anywhere from a month early to three weeks late - I’ve found they come in their own time and ignore the good doctor.”

 

Both Ray and Egon’s expressions dropped blank. “...Three weeks?” Ray managed to get out.

 

“I've seen babies have to be induced out because they were fixing to stay an extra month!”

 

What little color was in Ray’s face drained away. The doctor continued quickly.

 

“But that's a worry for then and not now! Go home, rest, eat some crackers, and I should see you both back in about a month. Call if there's anything urgent or even just with questions if you need to.”

 

“... But three weeks?” Ray asked again, like it was still sinking in.

 

Dr. White chuckled. “Don’t worry too much. First timers do tend to deliver later than people that already have children, but three weeks is usually a bit extreme. I’m sure your baby will come much sooner than that. Oh, and morning sickness usually subsides a bit after the first trimester.” She smiled tenderly. “Anything else?”

 

“... I guess not.”

 

“Alright then. Judy will make your next appointment for you at the front desk when you check out. See you in a month, Ray! Congratulations!”

 

The doctor exited, and Egon glanced at Ray. “... Are you feeling alright, Ray?”

 

“Three weeks overdue?!”

  
Egon stifled a laugh. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, sunshine.”


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new challenger!: egon's mother being a mother in law and a jewish mother.

**Chapter Three**

 

“Oh...hello, mother.”

 

Egon and his mother had this routine since he’d gone to college - a weekly phone call, usually an hour in duration and timed after her bridge and gossip with all the other Jewish women of the neighborhood. How was school, how was class, how are your friends, etcetera, etcetera. However, he’d never made this call with his pregnant partner asleep on his lap and covered in a slew of pamphlets and borrowed books.

 

They’d gotten over the initial scare and blur of worry, the doctor’s appointment, and now they were just waiting out the last few weeks of the rather miserable first trimester they’d had. Ray was perpetually sleepy, nauseous, emotional, or all of the above. Today’d been one of the ‘all of the above’ days, and the only thing that made him feel better was being close to Egon, snoring gently into the latter’s chest.

 

“Ray’s..okay. Not really, he hasn’t been feeling well.”

 

Egon kept his voice to a low whisper, careful not to wake Ray. This was the only restful sleep he had gotten in several days. “No, Mother, I’m sorry, I can’t be any louder. Ray’s trying to sleep. He needs rest.”

 

“A bit of agita never bothered anyone, Egon,” Katherine said. “You want me to send over some chicken soup?”

 

“No, thank you, Mother. He can barely keep down rice, let alone soup.” Egon ran a hand through Ray’s hair (it’d taken on a rather interesting curl as of late - another symptom according to Dr. White.) “I appreciate the offer, though.”

 

“Hmmm… that bad? Has he seen a doctor?”

 

“Yes. It’s a nasty stomach bug, is all.”

 

“... Are you sure, Egie?”

 

“Yes, Ma,” Egon mumbled, starting to get more agitated than anything. Oh, god, his mother had a nose like a bloodhound when it came to her kids lying to her. She always knew. How, he never really figured out, but she KNEW. It was kind of terrifying.

 

“That doesn’t sound like the flu. You said he was throwing up all last week.”

 

_ Shit.  _ “Um…”

 

“That sounds like how I was with you and your brother. You two aren’t expecting, are you?”

 

“Ma!” Egon’s voice rose to a hiss.

 

“You are, aren’t you?”

 

Now he was at a crossroads. Lie, and have to explain why they had a baby seven months from now, or tell her, and have the entire Bronx know that he, Katherine’s son, the p.H.D., had working sperm and that sperm had met Katherine’s son-in-law, the p.H.D within at least twenty four hours of him telling her.

 

Egon was never very good at working up lies under pressure. “I… uh…”

 

“Oooooh! You are!” Katherine was absolutely giddy. “How far along is he? Do you know what you’re having? What are you planning on naming it?”

 

“Ma.” Egon rubbed his temples. “Ma, we… we don’t know any of that yet. He’s about two months along, that’s all we know. Please don’t go telling all of your bridge friends. We’d rather keep it under wraps until we’re ready to talk about it.”

 

“But this is such exciting news! Finally, you give me grandchildren!”

 

“You already HAD grandchildren.”

 

“Elon’s grandchildren, sweetie, and they’re all a bunch of neo-hippies!”

 

“Mother, please…” Egon pleaded. “Don’t do this to me. I want to tell people on my own time. When Ray is ready.”

 

“Well, you’re not going to be able to hide it forever, sweetie. Sooner or later people will ask if he’s pregnant or just getting fat!”

 

“MA!” Egon snarled, wincing when Ray stirred a bit in his lap. He lowered his voice again. “Sorry about that, but just… please? Please let me give people news on my own this one time?”

 

Katherine sighed heavily. “Oh, alright… I’m not happy about it, but I’ll let you tell all your friends first.”

 

“... That’s going to take a while, too, Mother. We’re not going to be telling anybody until Ray is ready to talk about it.”

 

“Alright, alright. You’re already so protective of him, sweetheart.” Katherine practically cooed. Egon rolled his eyes, then winced again as Ray murmured sleepily into his chest.

 

“Alright, mother, er...Ray’s asking me for something.” He lied partially. “I’ll talk to you next week.”

 

Egon recoiled at the volume of Katherine’s next words. “Next week? Oh no, mister, you’re a father now, and you need me more than you did in college or when you did nothing but run around with spooks!”

 

“Mother, I won’t be a father for another seven months…”

 

“Ohhh, no you don’t! You made a baby, you’re a father! It doesn’t matter whether it’s still in the oven or not, Egon!”

 

“... Alright. Twice a week?”

 

“Daily.”

 

Oh, good lord. “Mother!”

 

“... Fine, twice a week. More if there’s some kind of milestone, you hear? I want to know everything about this baby!”

 

“Of course.” Egon practically blurted out his next few words in one breath. “Okay-love you-gotta go-bye!”

 

He hung up, sighing and shaking his head. Ray murmured and opened his eyes a little bit. “Whazzat?”

 

“Shhh. I’m sorry, sunshine, my mother called… go back to sleep.” Egon responded.

 

His expression dropped. “Did you tell her I’ve been sick…?”

 

“I’m afraid she has us figured out.”

 

“... Wait, what?”

 

Egon tensed. Oh, no. “... I tried to lie, sunshine, I really did. My mother is unbelievably talented at sniffing out lies. She had me figured out in minutes.”

 

“Oh, goddammit.” Ray groaned. “Great. Now the entire city’s gonna know by next Tuesday.”

 

“I made her promise to let us tell people on our own time.”

 

“... We’ll see.” Ray laid his head back down. “I’m not done with you about this, though. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

 

“You and I both know better.”

 

“Cram it, Spengler.”

 

True to Egon’s word, they ended up the same way they’d been for that past month - Ray curled against him, and Egon pondering a hundred and one things about the one and a half hearts beating next to him.

 

This particular night, his thoughts were a little less dire. There was one important person who knew. Ray’d only spoken to Dana himself. There was still Peter, Winston, Janine, Louis. Elon, he supposed, although the last time they’d spoken was about half a year prior, with a package full of seedlings and hemp blankets.  

 

All the same, Egon figured, Elon was still his twin. He deserved to know. He’d told Egon about each of his children.

 

Egon glanced to his side and smiled a bit. Ray was curled into a tight ball, clutching his beloved Dopey Dog. (Egon had attempted to break Ray of Dopey almost as soon as they found out. The resultant meltdown had been far more than he bargained for. Ray was allowed to keep his filthy, smelly stuffed animal, with the promise that Egon was entitled to an ‘I-told-you-so’ if their kid came out with an extra head.)

 

Egon turned onto his side and wrapped an arm around Ray’s shoulders, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

 

“What did we get ourselves into, sunshine?” he asked nobody in particular, with a smile on his face. Ray murmured a bit and cuddled closer to him.

 

Well, maybe not much about the situation was ideal, exactly, but who better to make lemonade out of lemons than Ray? Being the humanoid ball of sunlight he was, Egon had a feeling Ray could turn any bad situation into at least a vaguely positive one.

  
Egon dozed off a few moments later, his arm still securely over his partner.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is peter.

**Chapter Four**

 

“Ray, c’mon, what’s the matter with you?”

 

Everything, Venkman. Everything. Ray, today, was at least, up. But in exchange for the relatively mild morning sickness and remote lack of fatigue, his old friend had strolled into Ray’s Occult, looking to increase his ever growing tab ($202.43) and grate Ray’s nerves.

 

“Just not feeling too hot, Venkman,” Ray said, barely looking up from the ledger he was busy overviewing. He chewed the end of a pretzel rod thoughtfully. “Got a little touch of the flu or something, I guess.” He lied.

 

Now that they were nearly thirteen weeks along in this jazz, most of the important people in their lives were aware of it. Winston, Janine, Louis, Dana, Elon - who’d found out somehow by the hemp blanket that’d arrived in the mail. Peter’d been...an afterthought, to put it kindly. 

 

“In June? What have you been doin’, licking the sidewalk?” Peter laughed and elbowed Ray in the ribs. Ray glared at him and returned with a much harder nudge. “Aw, come on. You don’t have to be a sourpuss about it,” Peter grouched. “I’m just tryin’ to make some friendly conversation, here, Ray. You hardly see a guy since 1984, and he gives you the cold shoulder.”

 

“Apologies, Venkman, but I’m really not feeling it today.” Ray groaned a little as Peter got close and the scent of gasoline, cigarette smoke, and street food wafted to his still sensitive nose, and he covered his mouth. “God, you smell.”

 

“You’re no fun.”

 

“You’re not the one who can barely stand to smell food without throwing up,” Ray grumbled. He looked up from the ledger again when the bell above the door rang. Relieved, he smiled at the sight of Egon’s tall frame. “Well, good afternoon. How’s things at school today?”

 

“Fine, just fine,” Egon said, brushing past Peter like he didn’t even notice him. “Big news today, though!”

 

“Oh?” Ray asked, raising his eyebrows. “You got a raise? A promotion? That Jane girl finally stopped hitting on you?”

 

“No, no, and I wish,” Egon replied. “Quite different, really.”

 

“Oh…” Ray took a moment to direct a careful glance at Peter.

 

“It’s not about the h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-p, is it?” Their codeword for the baby in sensitive conversation varied from slime sample to paperwork to the cat. Recently, it was alphabet sounds. Conspicuous, but confusing. And fitting.

 

“Well, actually, yes,” Egon said, handing Ray some papers he was carrying. “The doctor informed me it’s growing more along the lines of a female than a male. We may want to rethink painting the walls blue, if-”

 

Ray cleared his throat. Egon paused. “... What?”

 

Ray pointed behind Egon. The latter turned, gasping softly at the sight of a very bewildered Peter. “Oh. Um. Peter.” Egon coughed nervously. “I, ah, didn’t see you there…”

 

“Uh-huh. Scoot over, specs, I wanna see whatever it is you’re hiding from me.” Peter practically snatched the papers from Ray’s hands. Boring medical reports, boring doctor’s notes… a sonogram.

 

He paused and quirked an eyebrow. “... What’s this doing here?”

 

“Um… well, you see…”

 

Venkman glanced between his friends and the photo for a second. Then he grinned and cracked up laughing. “Holy shit, you figured out how to put tab A into slot B, didn’t you?”

 

“What?”

 

“You actually figured it out. You managed to make something. Goddamn.”

 

“... You kind of-”

 

“Nah, I’m kidding. Good job, fellas. Bringin’ another workin’ stiff into the world.”

 

Both of them were pretty off their game, as conversations with Peter Venkman usually left people. So, Ray just laughed a bit nervously, and Egon mumbled something similar to a thanks.

 

“So, you’ve informed the press haven’t you? Or am I the sole holder of this knowledge?”

 

Ray’s laugh bubbled off a little. “Well, you see...we, uh...you’re the last person to know, Venkman.”

 

Peter looked almost hurt for a split second. Almost. “You told everyone else first? Seriously?”

  
  


“... Well, to be fair,” Egon began, wondering how to put this politely. “You can be a bit… abrasive, Peter. We were just kind of telling people as it came up, and it never came up with you, so-”

 

“Eh, fair enough,” Peter replied. Apparently he was over it already. “So Louis knows, right? Because he’ll want to talk taxes and stuff at you.”

 

“... He knows, Venkman.”

 

“Good, good. You told Janine and Winston too, right? I mean, sure, Janine sent my producer a detailed letter about all the reasons I was a horrible person and employer, but-”

 

“...Producer of  _ what _ ?”

 

Peter scoffed and waved away the question. “Aaah, just check channel seven. So, lambchop’s got a bun in the oven? So someone digs that as much as those hot science coeds - that’s crazy.” Peter offered Egon a good clap on the back. Ray seemed to recoil as Peter got closer.

 

“Good God, Pete, you smell like every aversion I have. Like every single one.”

 

“D’aw, I just wanted to touch the bump. Get used to that, by the way.”

 

“Oh, hell no. Do not touch my stomach. Please.”

 

“Relax, relax, I’m not gonna.” Peter held up his hands defensively. “Shit, man, you need a nap or something.”

 

“You try sleeping when you’re nauseous literally one hundred percent of the time.”

 

“Been there, done that. Called a hangover, butterball.” Peter ruffled Ray’s hair. “Good work, boys. You got a name for it? Because, ah, I suggest Peter-”

 

“We are not naming it Peter.”

 

“Aw, come on! Let a guy dream, Spengs!”

 

He seemed to heave a great sigh of nostalgia. “Good God. Well, I’ll see you kids later. Practice your Lamaze!” Peter called and waltzed out of the bookstore.

 

Egon sighed, rolling his eyes. “We’re not allowing Venkman within three hundred feet of the baby.”

  
“Agreed.”


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they didn't pick the nursery colors. hell rains down.

 

 

**Chapter Five**

_ Six months later. _

 

“You don't think the yellow’s too much?”

 

Ray pondered the wad of paint swatches spread across his lap - or rather his knees, because he couldn't well see his lap despite being a little small for thirty eight-ish weeks pregnant. Egon looked up from the reports he was looking over.

 

“No.” He responded simply, briefly returning to the papers in front of him. Ray heaved a bit of a dramatic sigh - here they were, almost three weeks from having a baby and they didn't even have the colors for the room down. All because he was stuck between Easter Shell or Sea Green.

 

“Egie, baby, please! You know this baby’s gonna be here any day now-”

 

“Your due date isn’t for another three weeks, Raymond.”

 

“And I don’t want to bring home a newborn and make it sleep in a nursery that smells like paint and sadness, Egon!”

 

“I thought we agreed on a circus theme.”

 

“I thought we agreed on the jungle!”

 

Egon sighed and looked up from the mountains of reports from his students he had to grade. Wasn’t like he didn’t have eons to do it, anyway. “Sunshine,” he began, rubbing his temples. “Please, just pick something. We’re just going to throw the decals and stickers on top of it so it’s barely visible anyway.”

 

“But green and yellow would both work for a jungle OR a circus!”

 

“You’re worrying too much,” Egon said, standing up from the kitchen table and crossing into the living room. “If you keep this up you’ll induce premature labor and we won’t have a finished nursery at all.”

 

Ray groaned. “Sorry. I’m just… I’m so stressed out. With everyone Christmas shopping and the bookstore being so busy and Peter keeps bugging me about his tab and-”

 

“Hush.” Egon pulled Ray into an embrace. “You need to take a moment and breathe.”

 

“You sound like Elon.”

 

“For once, something he claims to work actually does work. Take some deep breaths and clear your head for a second.”

 

Their attempt at zen was interrupted by the sound of the phone. Egon jumped, and Ray simultaneously jumped and winced. “God, he kicks hard when things scare me.”

 

Egon gave Ray’s stomach a fleeting touch and went to the phone. “Yes?...Hello, Dana- wait...I can't understand what you're saying.”

 

Ray raised an eyebrow and joined Egon at the phone by his elbow.

 

“Oscar’s carriage...alright. Took off on its own?” Ray seemed to brighten visibly just hearing the snippets of conversation. “Well...come by my class tomorrow and we can talk…okay. Goodnight.”

 

Egon hung up the phone.

 

“Something’s going on.”

 

Ray raised an eyebrow. “Phenomena?”

 

Egon nodded slowly.

 

“YES!” Ray cheered, wincing and calming a bit immediately after. “Ow. Fuck.”

 

“Another kick?”

 

“Right to the kidney.” Ray rubbed the spot where the baby had nailed him briefly. “It’s about time we had something interesting happen. I’ve been itching to do some investigating-”

 

“It’s illegal for us to conduct business as Ghostbusters again. You know we could-”

 

“We’re not conducting business!” Ray said. “We’re just… helping out an old friend. Dana’s been indispensable to me these last nine months. It’s the least I can do for her.”

 

“I’m not sure a heavily pregnant individual has any business being around paranormal phenomena like that.”

 

“Pssh.” Ray snorted. “It’ll be fine. As long as I don’t end up giving birth on a job, I think we can manage.”

 

“Your suicidal overconfidence has always frightened me immensely.”

 

“You love it.”

 

“Until our child is involved.” Egon half-smiled. “All the same. I’ll look into the incident. We might need to use your… extensive paranormal library-”

 

“Egie, I own the bookstore. We can use it for whatever the hell we want.”

 

“I’m aware. I just always feel like I’m intruding a bit.”

 

“You’re my husband!”

 

“Not legally.”

 

“Oh my god. Just… come on, it’s almost time for me to head to work anyway.”

 

* * *

 

 

“9 p.m. Okay, best from the coven!”

 

Ray hung up the phone and adjusted his reading glasses, sitting down on his chair behind the desk to take some of the weight off his feet as he pored over another tome.

 

“There's been a few cases like it, Ray.” Egon said, somewhere behind a stack of shipments. “But this is a nearly unprecedented occurrence.”

 

The jingle of the door, and an unusual voice startled the both of them. 

 

It took one sentence and a look for them to realize who was at the door. “I’m looking for a potion to make a certain penthouse pet all mine-”

 

“Evening, Peter,” Ray said, chewing on the end of an empty, unlit pipe. Habit, really. He hadn’t smoked since he got pregnant, but… he needed something to keep his mouth busy.

 

“Evening, Ray. Egon. How’s school?” Peter chirped, nudging Ray out of the way. “Bet all those science chicks really dig your speeches, huh?”

 

“I think they’re more interested in my epididymis,” Egon deadpanned before turning back to the books. 

 

Peter nodded a little- he clearly didn’t fully understand the joke- and turned back to Ray. “Ray, c’mon. Let’s close this place up so you can buy me a calzone.”

 

“Can’t, Venkman. Too busy. And lest we forget, the larvae still hates the smell. Your book came, though - “Magical Paths to Fortune and Power!” Ray reached under the counter for Peter’s book, then returned to the book open in front of him. 

 

Peter quirked an eyebrow. “Too busy with what, pregs?” He remarked. Ray rolled his eyes - of all the nicknames he'd ever been given by Peter as long as they’d been friends, he hated that one the most.

 

“A…umm...”

 

Egon cleared his throat and gave Ray a meaningful glance. Dana’s express request that Peter be nowhere near this has been made very clear.

 

“Just some...old favors. Work to finish before the baby comes.” Ray finished quickly, resting a hand on his middle and looking back down quickly at the book to avoid Peter’s eyes.

 

“Hm.” Peter was quiet for a moment. Then he grabbed Ray’s ears and pulled, hard. “OW!” Ray exclaimed, instinctively trying to push away. “LET GO!”

 

“Who are you working for?” Peter asked. “Tell me and I’ll let go, Ray-Ray!”

 

“Aaaahhh, god, n-NOBODY! Let go! Let go!”

 

“Whoooooo?”

 

“DANA BARRETT!”

 

Peter stepped back and released Ray’s ears after a moment longer. Ray groaned in pain and rubbed his ears. “Christ, oww!” He muttered.

 

“... My Dana Barrett?” Peter asked.

 

“Sh-she’s- her baby carriage rolled off on its own through rush hour traffic, Venkman, we couldn’t tell her no! That’s some wild shit!”

 

“But she couldn’t even tell ME?”

 

“... She didn’t even want you to know-”

 

“We’re paying her a visit tomorrow, fellas.”

  
Spengler and Stantz alike gave each other a look, the one especially reserved for when Peter Venkman was being Peter Venkman.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the guys do some ~paranormal investigation~!

**Chapter Six**

 

The action around the Barrett apartment - if you could call Dana practicing the cello, and the nanny playing with the baby action - audibly paused with the ring of the doorbell.

 

“You think she'll be angry with us?” Ray mumbled quietly from outside the front door to Egon, glancing at Peter behind them.

 

“No. But she won't be happy to see him. Maybe if you distract her with the baby as soon as we get in, she won't notice.” Egon responded.

 

“... Yeah,” Ray murmured. “Yeah, just… talk about the baby. That’ll work.”

 

“I’ll get it!” Dana called from inside the apartment, opening the door and smiling at Egon and Ray. “I’m so glad you could make it!” She gave Egon a handshake- he never was comfortable with hugs- and proceeded to bear-hug Ray. “Look at you! You almost look like you’re seven months along!”

 

“Right? At least I’m not a beached whale, I guess,” Ray responded, laughing softly. They almost had the door shut when Peter’s hand came around the edge and threw it back open. “Okay, listen-”

 

“... What is he doing here?”

 

“He tortured me, Dana! He pulled my ears!” Ray explained. “I didn’t mean to, he just kinda-”

 

Peter nudged back Ray to go to Dana, immediately laying on his suave. “I know I’m just asking for the big hurt, but I thought I’d try to give us one last chance.”

 

Dana sighed a little. “Right. It’s okay, just… can we focus on Oscar?”

 

“Of course,” Egon said, setting aside his bag and pulling a few odd looking instruments out of it. “If you could put him on a solid surface for us, we can get started.”

 

“... You aren’t going to hurt him, are you?”

 

“Not if everything goes right,” Egon said with a reassuring smile. “He’ll be fine. I’ve done this on a small monkey before.”

 

“... Alright.” Dana laid out a blanket on the kitchen table and sat Oscar on top of it. “They’re gonna do a little check up on you, okay, sweetheart? They’re nice. Don’t worry.”

 

The discordant plucking of cello strings soon interrupted them. Peter was sat away, giving Dana a goofy, sultry look as he plucked the strings of her instrument like a bass guitar. This time, the look was between the three of them, and Dana sighed and went to address him.

 

“...So, we'll have something like this in a few weeks time?” Egon asked, beginning to study Oscar as he looked around the room, fascinated with everything.

 

“A lot smaller. And maybe less cute at first. But in a sense, yes.” Ray responded, clicking on the tape recorder as they began their observations.

 

“Okay, subject is a male Caucasian, around eight months old.” Egon began in his serious academic drone. “Approximately…”

 

Ray stretched a measuring tape next to Oscar, who looked at it with a sound of confusion. “24 inches.”

 

“24 inches in length. Start with a simple reflex test.” Egon shone a light into Oscar’s eyes, one after the other. “Pupillary response normal.” The pair each snapped their fingers on either side of the baby’s head, watching him turn his head to look at the sound in response. “Hearing appears normal.”

 

They each delicately lifted one of Oscar’s arms and gently tickled his sides. Ray couldn’t help but smile tenderly when Oscar began laughing a bit. “Seems to be ticklish,” Egon noted.

 

“Yep. Baby’s ticklish.” Ray paused a moment and winced, putting a hand on his stomach. “Ow.”

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah. Your little soccer player just nailed me in the gut again.”

 

“I prefer to think he’s a future percussionist. Drummers require incredible leg strength, too.”

 

“Or she’s a member of the Rockettes.” Ray chuckled. “Back to business.”

 

Venkman and Dana wandered over about then. “How are things going?”

 

“He seems to be in good shape. Baby’s normal. We would like to take a look at his bedroom, though.” Egon said, removing the stethoscope around his neck.

 

“Alright..”

 

“Oh, and Venkman,” Egon added, handing Peter a small dish. “Get a stool sample for me?”

 

“... Business or personal, Spengs?”

 

Ray now rolled his eyes. “Dana, show us where he sleeps, please?”

 

She led them into the simple little nursery. “Sorry about the mess.”

 

“It's fine, we don't want to play with anything, we just want to scan for valances. See anything tangible, especially stuffed toys, blankets, those kinds of things.” Ray said.

 

“Well, I’ll see about the sample if you want to look around, then.”

 

There was a brief pause, as Egon glanced around the room. “Cheerful.” He picked up a stuffed rabbit and waved the PKE meter over it. “We didn't have all this.”

 

“Really?” Ray said, raising an eyebrow as he looked at some other toys.

 

“Well. We did have half a slinky.” Egon mused. “Then I straightened it.”

 

“I hope our kid isn't reversing toys’ functions once he comes out.”

 

Egon chuckled softly. “With any luck, Ray, he’ll take after you.”

 

“Aw.” Ray nudged Egon gently. “C’mon, a mini-you would be cute.”

 

“It would be insufferable.” Egon scanned a teddy bear nearby. “I almost can’t stand myself sometimes.”

 

Ray laughed softly, scanning a yellow stuffed Triceratops and tucking it under his arm when the PKE meter squealed quietly. There was at least  _ some _ residue on that thing. “You’re awful hard on yourself sometimes, Egie.”

 

“Comes with the territory.” Egon scanned up and down the wardrobe. He paused, and looked around the room again. “... Ray?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I think the green would look best with the jungle decorations. In our nursery.”

 

Ray smiled a little. “About time you decided,” he quipped. “Thank you.” Another short pause. “... Can you believe we’re gonna have a life like this in three weeks?”

 

“Hardly.”

 

“... Are you excited?”

 

“I’m terrified.” Egon half-smiled. “But I’m a bit excited as well, I suppose.”

 

Ray made his own face, as he got down to the floor to look under the crib. As best he could, anyway. “Do you think it's going to hurt?”

 

“I couldn't lie and say it won't. You've been practicing what little Lamaze we did learn? I still think you ought to consider pain medication.”

 

Ray scoffed. “I can do this on my own. With or without the stupid breathing and sunny meadows.”

 

“Ray, you sprained your finger once on a bust and cried for about an hour.”

 

“That really hurt! And this time, there's a baby to work for. I want this to be natural.”

 

Egon raised a brow again and smiled. “Whatever you say, Ray.”

 

“How’s things goin’ in here, Dad Squad?” Peter asked, holding Oscar as Ray crawled out from under Oscar’s crib.

 

“Not much to talk about. Slight residue on a dinosaur but that could be anything, not necessarily what made the carriage move.”

 

“I’d like to run some gynaecological tests on the mother.”

 

“Wouldn’t we all?” Peter asked, smirking.

 

Egon rolled his eyes again. Dana poked her head around the corner. “Did you find anything?”

 

“Hardly. Do you remember where it happened?”

 

“... Just outside. I can take you to the spot, actually.”

  
“Please do. We might be able to find more there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa!! do you ever just forget you have a fic!! but ty for your sweet comment(s) and appreciating me and miso's hard work!! <3 (double chapters for the trouble too)


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the river of slime is discovered! and ray doesn't understand the concept of having a safe and restful pregnancy. because Science.

**Chapter Seven**

 

Egon’d never felt more conspicuous in any moment in his life, than standing in the middle of 1st Avenue jackhammering a large hole. He paused briefly, looking up to see a police officer coming up to him.

 

“Hey! How you doing, man?”

 

The former bristled a bit. “Fine, fine. It’s cutting fine now.” He said, trying to be as casual as he’d ever been in his life.

 

“Why are you cutting?”

 

“Why am I cutting?” Egon repeated. His saving grace came in the form of Ray and Peter hurrying back over, from their extended break, and hollering in their best flimsy Brooklyn accents.

 

“You tell him to stop cutting?”

 

“Yeah, I did. What are you doing?”

 

Ray then joined. “Ay, ay, take it easy. He’s been workin’ overtime, and we’re here ‘cause some diaper bag downtown is making us work on a Friday night! Am I right, Peter?”

 

“Yeah, you’re right, Raymond. Am I right, Ziggy?”

 

“...Yo!”

 

The cop barked a quick laugh. “Alright, alright. I’ll let you knuckleheads get back to it.” He said, strolling off to his patrol car and driving off. They kept up the act, until their friend was gone.

 

“What’ve you been doing?”

 

“What’ve I been doing, while you two were getting coffee for two hours, I’ve been digging a giant hole in the middle of the street!” Egon snapped irritably at Peter and Ray. “Besides, Ray, you know you can’t have coffee-”

 

“Oh god, Egon, one cup of coffee isn’t going to kill the baby. If anything, she’s even more active for it.” He pulled a PKE meter out of his pocket. “Anything interesting?”

 

“Not that I can see.”

 

Ray waved the meter over the hole, raising his eyebrows when it screeched wildly and all the lights began flashing. “There’s definitely a hotspot there.”

 

“Sure looks it.”

 

“Someone’s gonna have to go down there and check it out.”

 

“Yep. Someone is.” Peter fixed Ray with a look and smirked.

 

“... What? Venkman, I’m nine months pregnant, I don’t think it’s very smart to lower me down into a hole under 1st Avenue on a winch. What if I go into labor or something down there?”

 

“Ehhh, we’ll get you out. You’ll be fine.” Peter smirked and clapped Ray on the back. “Suit up, preggo, you’re going down there to check it out.”

 

It was a bit of an ordeal trying to get Ray into the winch, and with enough around him and on his head that they were comfortable that he’d make it out in one piece. He sighed, watching the hole get farther and farther above his head, and looked down at his stomach.

 

“Consider this your first ‘bring your child to work’ day, kiddo.” He mumbled, smiling a little when he got a little kick in response. Ray reached up to flick on his headlight and glanced down. “Whoa.”

 

“You’re alright, Ray?” Egon’s voice carried through to him from the headset around his neck.

 

“I’m fine. We’re breaking through, I see a little light...SLIME!”

 

Just below Ray’s feet, a bubbling river of pink slime churned and bubbled, and he turned his head up to the walls around him. “There’s got to be almost twenty five thousand  _ gallons down here! _ ” As excited as Ray was, something felt wrong, picking at him a little and mixing his enthusiasm with some anxiety.

 

“Slime?” Egon asked through the headset. “Underground?”

 

“There’s a river of it down here, Egie, bubbly pink slime! It looks like pureed bubblegum!”

 

“Get a sample, Ray.”

 

Ray pulled a sample collector tool off his belt and placed it down into the river, watching the cup fill with pink goo. He closed the cup off and clipped the stick back to his belt. “Alright. Got the sample. Pull me back up, guys.”

 

A pause. Nothing happened. There was no reaction on the other end of the headset. “Guys?” he repeated, a little more nervous this time. “Guys! Pull me up!” he exclaimed, as the slime formed itself into tentacles and reached for his foot. Finally, he felt a jerk on the line, and he began rapidly ascending back up the hole. Still flailing and panicked, though, he felt his foot slam into something, which then came loose in a storm of sparks, and he yelped.

 

By the time he got back up to the surface, Manhattan was pitch black.

 

“... Was that a power main I hit?”

 

“Most likely,” Egon responded, not alerting Ray to the presence of some rather angry-looking Con Ed workers (and policemen) behind him.

 

“Damn. Sorry, Spengs. I panicked.” About then the flashing blue lights seemed to register. “... There are cops right behind me, aren’t there?”

 

“Most likely.”

 

Ray winced a bit and turned around. He smiled nervously, waving a bit. “Um… evening, fellas.”

 

However, something distracted Ray and the others from trying to avoid arrest. The former winced again, and let out a breath, wrapping his arms over his stomach. Either, the baby had just kicked a hole through something, or he and Egon were about to become parents. “Ow, God…”

 

Hearing that made Egon’s attention snap from the lieutenant he’d been speaking to, back to his partner. “Ray?”

 

_ The child...my life has potential to come to fruition again… _

 

Stantz dropped to his knees, in too much pain to respond to the concerned around him. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe through the pain. “Ow...help...please…”

 

Egon tensed so suddenly it was almost visible. He knelt beside Ray and rubbed his back. “Please. Let us at least take him to the hospital, he might be-”

 

Ray’s eyes slowly opened. As suddenly as it had come on, the pain receded. “Fuck,” he hissed, through clenched teeth. “What the hell was that…?”

 

“Sunshine?” Egon gripped Ray’s shoulders. “Are you alright?”

 

“I… I think so. I don’t really know. I thought I was… I thought he was coming, but…”

 

“Alright, get up, drama queen,” a cop grumbled. “You’re all under arrest.”

 

“W-wait!” Ray exclaimed as he was pulled up from his knees. “I can’t go to jail! I can’t!”

 

“Yeah, alright. Tell it to the judge, pal.”

 

“Officer, he’s serious, that’s-” 

 

“Cram it, four-eyes.” The cops shoved the handcuffed trio into the back of a squad car, squishing them together rather uncomfortably. “We’ll talk about it at your hearing, alright?”

 

“He really is pregnant, though-” Peter chimed in, cut off by the door slamming in his face. He winced and recoiled slightly. “Shit. Well, I tried, Ray.”

 

“Yeah.” Ray sighed a little. “I don’t know what that was. It hurt like hell, though.”

 

“It looked it. Possibly Braxton-Hicks contractions. Your body preparing itself for labor.”

 

“That isn’t reassuring, Spengie. Now I’m just doubly nervous about going to jail.”

 

Egon paused a second. “I was merely trying to calm your nerves. I object to the idea of our baby being born in prison as much as you do.”

  
“Then let’s try to  _ not go to jail _ .”


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get intense in court.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. I'm going to try and tie all this up tonight. Miso and I have the full fic ready, but we've both been inundated with work/school/bowling (not even shitting you). So count on the rest, or at least a very significant chunk of the rest going up tonight.

**Chapter Eight**

 

A day later, they were comfortably sans a baby. But, they’d also had a fairly crappy day in court. Not to mention, Ray’s back hurt like a bitch. The three sharp raps of the judge’s hammer came, and the trio looked up at the sight of Wexler’s stern face.

 

“Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, Egon Spengler, stand up!” He rasped. “Get up! And you too, Mr. Tully.”

 

The four of them stood, stiff as boards and hearts pounding. “I find you guilty on all charges! I order you to pay fines to the amount of $25,000 each!”

 

Egon and Ray managed to catch each other’s eye out of the judge’s notice. Ray felt sick.

 

“I hereby sentence the three of you to 18 months at Riker’s Island Correctional Facility-”

 

He took his eyes off the judge, at first to glance down at his belly. Shit. They were going to have a kid in prison. But then, something else caught his attention. 

 

The slime sample, placed neatly on the evidence table in a glass jar. It bubbled slightly, gurgling a bit. “Egie.” Ray nudged his partner gently and whispered, “Look. She’s twitching.” He nodded to the slime sample, which continued to bubble in its container. Egon’s eyes widened slightly. “Um, Your Honor-” he began, only to be cut off.

 

“I’m not FINISHED!” The judge yelled at the top of his lungs. “It’s a damn shame we can’t go back to the good old days and deal with you three frauds the way we used to. If my hand were not tied by the unalterable fetters of the law-”

 

“Your Honor, this is important,” Peter interjected, watching the slime grow in volume and boil over slightly.

 

“SHUT UP! If it were up to me-”

 

The trio slowly lowered themselves to the ground under the desk, dragging Louis down with them as the sample gurgled and buzzed, leaking out of the top of the jar. Something was going to go down, and it looked like they’d be seeing a spike in business all of a sudden.

 

“I would take care of you three the way we did when I was a boy, reaching back to a purer, sterner justice-”

 

The jar rattled and shook violently, threatening to topple and spill its clearly volatile contents.

 

“-And have all of you  **BURNED AT THE STAKE!** ”

 

With that final outburst, the slime practically exploded, and materialized two electrifying spirits, one thin, one rotund, both strapped to chairs and cackling mischievously as they flew around the heads of the disheveled court. The Judge leaned back in his seat, away from the chaos, and cried, “Oh my God, the Scoleri Brothers!”

 

Ray’s face practically lit up as the ghosts tore through the courtroom. “Wow!” He chirped, grinning like a small child on Christmas morning. 

 

The judge dove under the table with them, yelling, “The Scoleri Brothers!”

 

“Friends of yours?”

 

“I tried them for murder! Gave ‘em the chair!”

 

One of them phased through the wall, and the other grabbed the screaming prosecuting attorney and carried her out of the courtroom. The five men took shelter behind what little remained of the Judge’s stand. Ray stumbled a bit, but managed a smug smile as the Judge took hold of his shirt front and shook a little, pleading.

 

“Do something! Help me!”

 

Ray shook his head. “Ask my attorney.

 

Louis stepped up. “Not so fast! My clients are under a judicial order to not be investigating, not to mention an medical and environmental restriction - that blue thing I got from the lady!” He managed, trying to keep a tough persona. “They could be e-exposing themselves!”

 

“And you don’t want us exposing ourselves!” Peter interjected devilishly.

 

The judge made a frustrated noise, surveying the chaos that his once calm and orderly courtroom had become. “Oh, alright! I rescind the order! Just fix this mess!”

 

“We won the case!” Louis whooped, throwing his arms around Peter in celebration. Peter nudged him off of him gently.

 

“Appreciate the gesture, shortstuff, but we got spooks to wrangle,” Peter said. He, Egon, and Ray walked to their proton packs, picking them up and wrestling them onto their backs. “Ugh, god. I always hated this part of the job,” Peter grumbled, watching Egon help Ray into the harness with little issue. “Are you sure you should be carrying one of these around in your condition, Ray?” he asked, a mix of vague condescension and genuine concern.

 

Ray rolled his eyes. “I’ll be fine. I’ve been exposed to worse, I’m sure.”

 

“Hope these things still work.”

 

“They should. The cells have a half-life of 5,000 years.”

 

“Well, we don’t really have time to test them.” Ray grabbed ahold of the wand and steadied his grip on it. “Heat ‘em up, boys.”

 

Flicking the gun on, Ray almost got chills when he heard the familiar whirr of the pack. It was sullied, however, by Peter intoning a low “do” note. “Doooooo…”

 

Catching on, Ray, flicked on his pack and added the next note. “Reeeee…”

 

Egon turned his pack and finished off. “Egon!”

 

Ray and Peter turned to stare at him. Egon smirked.

 

“Alright boys, let’s lock them on.” Ray said, assuming his serious working face, but giving Egon a smile. The courtroom was eerily silent, a wind buzzing through the room. It was quiet, too quiet.

 

Then a chair jumped. Then another. Ray yelled. The two spirits materialized again, and the three started throwing streams. They were hard to hold, cackling and hovering around above them. Then they stopped and disappeared.

 

That was too easy.

 

There was a long pause, then Peter’s war cries slowly faded into laughing. Ray followed, as amused as he was. Egon’s awkward unemotional chuckle joined the chorus. It was funny, almost like old times - until they came back.

 

The streams were a little less wildly thrown this time. Within moments, Peter had the big one snared. “You got him!” Ray hollered, grinning. “Egie, grab the trap!”

 

Egon grabbed the trap and readied it, pausing to glance up and check on Peter’s progress with the round one. He gasped a bit at the sight of the scrawny one flying in behind Ray, presumably bent on attack. “Behind you, Ray!”

 

Ray ducked in the nick of time and began firing, barely missing Egon. He watched as his beam snared the ghost in short order. “I got him! I got him!”

 

“Alright, start bringing them in,” Egon called over the noise of the ghosts protesting and the buzz of the proton beams. “Alright, I’m sending in the trap… trap’s in!”

 

Ray and Peter held the ghosts steady over the trap. “Hit it, Egon!” Peter exclaimed, clearly straining with effort to hold the spirit in place.

 

“Opening the trap!” Egon stomped on the trigger, opening the trap doors. The ghosts flailed and screamed as they were sucked into the small metal box, whose doors shut as soon as they were inside. It beeped and steamed, and the Ghostbusters turned to glance at it. They were quiet for a second, and then they shared a smile.

 

“Two in the box!” Peter began.

 

“Ready to go!”

 

“We be fast-”

 

“And they be slow!” All three said at the same time. Louis was on all fours, inspecting the trap.

 

“Wow!” He said, looking up at his friends with awe in his eyes. “You did it!”

  
“Damn right,” Peter said. “Grab the trap, small fry. We’re back in business.”


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calm before the storm.

**Chapter Nine**

 

So, there they were all of sudden, Ghostbusters again and ghosts waking back up to cause mischief and mania. There were ghoulish joggers, vengeful dead jewelry store owners, and the like. But, Ray and Egon still had a not-so-little thing of their own to focus on, in the whirlwind of new business.

 

“Well, he or she’s looking like they’re growing just fine.” Dr. White, running the ultrasound wand over Ray’s stomach, commented. “And the contractions and the aches mean you’re well on the way to having this baby.” She pointed to the calendar on the wall - it was December 21st, two days away from their due date. 

 

“If all goes as smoothly as possible, you’ll be holding your baby sometime in the next two days.” Dr. White smiled warmly. “I’m sure you’ve been busy with the holidays!”

 

“... You could say that.” Ray smiled a little bit.

 

“Something interesting happen?”

 

“We had our judicial order rescinded!” Ray said, not even thinking in his excitement. “We can be Ghostbusters again. Things have been off the wall.”

 

“Oh.” Dr. White paused and thought a second. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea in your condition, Ray. You’re nine months pregnant. Your baby could be here any day. Are you sure carrying around almost forty pounds of weight, not to mention nuclear weight, on your back is such a good idea?”

 

He hadn’t thought of that. “... Could it hurt him?”

 

“Well, I’m not positive, but there’s a very good reason we avoid giving x-rays and CAT scans to pregnant people if at all possible. The radiation could hurt the baby, not to mention the toll on your body. Healthy babies only come if their parents are healthy too.” Dr. White said, clearly not too impressed with their recreational activities.

 

Ray groaned. “I feel fine, though. I’ve wanted this for five years.”

 

“Mmm. Well…” the doctor sighed a bit. “I suppose in the end I can’t say no, and I can’t stop you from doing anything, but I’m not going to tell you it’s a great idea. I am a little concerned.”

 

“I’ll let you know if I feel anything off. Promise.”

 

“You had better!” Dr. White half-joked. “You’re looking wonderful. I can do a pelvic exam and see if you’re dilated at all if you’d like.”

 

“No offense, but I’m not in the mood to have someone’s hand up there today.”

 

“Understandable at this point. It’s unlikely you’re dilated much if at all, anyway.” The doctor removed the wand from Ray’s belly and turned the machine off. “Do you have any other questions or concerns tonight, honey?”

 

“... I don't think so, doctor.”

 

“Alright. Hopefully I’ll see you in a couple days to have a baby.” Dr. White smiled and handed Ray a towel to wipe himself off with. “Don’t push yourself too much. Remember, you could be having a baby any day.”

 

“I won’t. Pinky swear.” Ray smiled as he wiped the goo off his stomach. The doctor exited the room, and Ray turned to Egon. “I didn’t think about that.”

 

“Perhaps it’s best if you stay at the firehouse with Janine and Louis… they’d be more qualified to assist you in the event you went into labor anyway.”

 

“They’d just call an ambulance, Egie. And…” Ray paused a second. “I just… I don’t want to not be a Ghostbuster. I’ve wanted nothing more for five years.”

 

“I know. You just have someone else to think of, now, too, is  all. I don’t know if the radiation will have any negative effects this late in your pregnancy.”

 

“You’re not an obstetrician. I wouldn’t expect you to know.”

 

Egon took on a thoughtful expression as he shrugged on his coat. “Well, if you’re still going to be out with us, it would make me feel better if you weren’t carrying a proton pack.”

 

Ray sighed, rolling his eyes and smoothing his shirt over his stomach. “I can’t stand pizza, I can’t see my feet, and you won’t even let me bust some heads?”

 

“Not until that head is coming out of you.” Egon responded tartly, gesturing to Ray’s middle. “Don’t be too angry with me now, you’re going to get a chance to test this mood slime and see if there’s anything brewing with this Vigo the Carpathian character that seems to be recurring in activity lately.”

 

Ray nodded a little, his expression still sour. “Fine,” he muttered, pouting as he shrugged his own jacket on. “How do you want to go about testing the slime? Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement? I noticed it seemed… agitated when Judge Wexler yelled at us. Maybe it’s psychomagnotheric.” Ray and Egon continued their conversation all the way out the door and to the waiting car.

 

“Well, I was planning on both with the same sample. We begin by screaming at it, degrading it.” Egon adjusted his glasses a bit. “Then we move to positive reinforcement. Perhaps we see how it reacts to your state.”

 

“I wanna see what it does when you jack off with it,” Ray quipped. Egon turned a fetching pink- almost the same shade as the slime, in fact. “What? It’d be funny.”

 

“It would be ridiculous, Raymond!”

 

“Aw, come on. You’re no fun. It’s a wonder we didn’t conceive this kid with the lights out under the covers.”

 

“... I’ll consider it. Don’t hold your breath.”

 

Ray sat back, relaxing into the seat. “I won’t.”

 

When they returned to the firehouse, the two got lab coats and goggles, sitting to study the substance jarred before them. Egon picked up a stick and swirled it around in the slime. “You know Ray, if it’s all the same to you, I want to see how it reacts to you first.”

 

Ray shrugged. “I don’t mind. I’m just constantly covered in goo these days, it seems.” He said, rolling up the hem of his shirt. Egon picked up the tape recorder from the table beside and clicked it on, beginning to talk.

 

“Test one, of potentially psychomagnotheric slime sampled.” Egon began, spreading the slime in circles on Ray’s stomach. “Reaction to fetus in utero, of a gestation of forty weeks.”

 

They waited a second. The slime, with the initial contact, bubbled gently, but didn’t get too agitated. 

 

“God, he’s always ready to kick holes in me when he’s bored, and not when we need him.” Ray joked.

 

“Or she isn’t necessarily aware of the slime’s presence. We’ll give her a moment to try and get moving.”

 

There was another pause, this one a bit briefer. Then there was a kick. “Ow! Christ, kid,” Ray muttered, though he quickly began laughing softly when the slime buzzed a little. “It tickles. I don’t know if that’s normal or not.”

 

Egon nodded a bit and scribbled something down. “Slime provokes ticklish response when fetus kicks. Appears to respond positively.” He paused, clicking the pen in his hand over and over. “Perhaps we should place headphones on your stomach and see how it reacts to that. You claim she responds to music.”

 

“Yeah, he gets pissed off when you play your Handel. Loves Rush, though.” Ray smirked and Egon shook his head. “It’s worth a shot, though,” Ray continued. “Maybe it prefers music to just… sitting there waiting for him to kick.”

 

“Combine music with its response to the baby?”

 

“If you want,” Ray answered with a shrug. “I’ve had enough things on my belly lately. I’m pretty used to it.”

 

“Very well.” Egon stood and retrieved a cassette player and pair of headphones. “Test two of potentially psychomagnotheric slime sample. Reaction to same fetus at forty weeks gestation, with music playing against subject’s stomach.” Egon placed the headphones on Ray’s belly, then turned to the small pile of tapes they kept at the firehouse.

 

“Play Rush. Please? I don’t want him to kick through my skin.”

 

“That’s a physical impossibility,” Egon murmured, though he still selected  _ Fly by Night  _ from the stack. “First musical sample. Progressive rock trio Rush, 1975 album Fly by Night. Subject claims fetus enjoys this music.”

 

“Subject also claims the fetus hates the classical his dad tries to pipe in,” Ray said, laughing softly.

 

The two waited a moment, and Ray could hear the low sounds of Rivendell playing from the headphones. Almost instantly, the baby’s excited kicking slowed to a soft movement, almost as if he or she was nodding off with the gentle music and making a few sleepy swats. The slime, in response, gave another series of happy burbles, and Ray smiled.

 

“Hey, we’ve got a winner there.” He joked. Egon also smiled at the gentle scene. Through the ectoplasm and the running and catching wild spirits, they still had something next to normal.

 

“It isn’t tickling me anymore. I think it’s just… making noise.”

 

Egon nodded and wrote down the response again. “Slime responds to music with burbling noises. Seems pleased though fetus’s activity is less erratic.” He thought a second. “Should we try a negative test next?”

 

“In a second. This is the calmest he’s been in two months. I almost want to nap.”

 

Egon laughed softly. “I’ll be sure to keep this in mind for later, sunshine.” He clicked the music off once the song ended, leaving the headphones in place. “I want to try one of my classical tapes.”

 

“Aw, Egie, no,” Ray whined. “He hates your classical music.”

 

“I’m interested in seeing what the slime does. If she becomes agitated, maybe it’ll show a different reaction.” He paused a second, as if in thought. “I wonder if she’s experiencing emotions in utero.”

 

“I don’t have a clue. I just know he tries to kick my kidney out of place anytime you put on one of your classical tapes.”

 

“All the better, really.” Egon’s morals never came into play much where science was concerned. “I can get a better read on how the slime reacts to her activity. One measly kick isn’t much to work with.”

 

“You’re sadistic.”

 

“It’s for science, sunshine. Please?”

 

Ray heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Fine. But only if you promise to jerk off with it.”

  
Egon winced, but nodded a little. For science.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vigo's getting restless.

**Chapter Ten**

 

“So, after we got through the slime testing yesterday, we managed a little reading on our character Vigo, that you mentioned Peter.”

 

The four Ghostbusters had decided to pay a visit to the museum, a ‘routine spook check’ in Peter’s words after he’d been there by himself seeing Dana. “This guy was a real humanitarian from what we read. Born in 1505, conquered a bunch of societies and caused general grief.”

 

Egon interjected, “He was also known as ‘Vigo the Cruel’, ‘Vigo the Torturer’, ‘Vigo the Despised’, and ‘Vigo the Unholy’.”

 

Ray nodded. “He did die in 1610, but it wasn’t of old age. He was poisoned, shot, stabbed, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered.”

 

Peter made a face. “Ouch. So what, he got what you got in nine months in a few seconds?”

 

“Very funny, Pete.” He responded. But, in fact, Ray  _ was  _ feeling a little off. It was almost just like how he’d felt that night in the slime tunnel. He rubbed his stomach and temple a little, trying to ease the pain in both. Something was funky, but he didn’t dare say a thing, should the mother henning everyone seemed to be keen on giving him come to be.

 

“That’s not all, though,” he continued after the pain had subsided a bit. “Right before his head died, it spoke his final words. Time is but a window, death is but a door. I’ll be back.”

 

The four of them headed into the museum, attempting to make a grand entrance. Peter glanced at his coworkers. “... Suck in the guts, guys. We’re the Ghostbusters.”

 

While Egon and Winston complied (not that either of them had much to suck in, anyway), Ray shot Peter a dirty look. “You try being nine months pregnant and see how you feel,” he muttered, before a flailing man with curly hair and an implacable accent approached them.

 

“No, no, no, this wing of de museum is closed too-day! Thank you very much for your time, but we are not having visitors today!”

 

“... Who’s this guy?” Winston asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Just let me handle him,” Peter said. “Janosz, buddy. How you doin’? Everything still kosher here? Nothing to be alarmed by, pal, just a routine spook check.”

 

Ray approached a massive painting of a very surly looking man. “This guy looks happy to be here.” He joked to Winston beside him, despite the ache in his head getting a little worse as they approached. 

 

“One ugly dude.” The latter said, as Peter came up with a camera and began taking pictures. This was almost blasphemy to Janosz.

 

“He is Vigo!” Janosz yelled, before trying to pull Ray down from a ladder he’d retrieved and was currently climbing by his belt. “Please do not touch de art! Is very fragile piece!”

 

Winston grabbed Janosz by the sleeve. “Don’t touch him like that!” he snapped, letting Ray do his work as Peter snapped pictures of the portrait.

 

Ray was busy waving a sensor over the artwork when he paused and glanced into its eyes. Transfixed, he let his arm fall a bit and his jaw slackened. What the hell? Why couldn’t he look away?

 

A little ways away, Janosz and, subsequently, the attention of the subject of the painting via him were now focused intently on Ray.

 

_ The strength and potential of new life...a leader, my vessel ready to be molded and controlled from birth. _

 

“Yes, my Lord…” Janosz murmured low. “But vhat about Dana?”

 

_ You will be able to have any and all you desire when I live again. But, you must assist me in obtaining this child. For now, I must take hold of the carrier. _

 

“Ray?” Winston returned to his friend’s side. The latter was slack, hanging almost precariously on the ladder trying to focus on the gaze of the painting. He gave Ray’s elbow a gentle shake. “Hey, Ray!”

 

“Wha?” Ray seemed to snap up and look down, just as if he’d been sleeping.

 

“Hey, you good, man?” Winston quirked an eyebrow. “Not catching anything?”

 

Ray scoffed and shook his head. “Me? I’m fine, he’s fine, we’re just peachy.” It didn’t help, however, that he punctuated this statement by stumbling a bit in step and leaning a little on a nearby table. “I’m okay, really!”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“There’s definitely something going on in that museum.” Egon mused as they exited, studying the readings. “The PKE levels buried the needle, almost off the scale.”

 

Something was bothering him, and everyone else, almost as much as the high levels. Ray seemed agitated, not at all his usual chipper self. Egon put a hand on his partner’s shoulder, steering him toward Ecto-1.

 

“Ray, are you alright?”

 

Much to his surprise, Ray slapped at his hand. “Get off me! I’m fine.” He said nastily. “I don’t need you touching me, four eyes.” Peter, Winston, and Egon frowned. Maybe it was a mood swing. 

 

The aggression, however, didn’t stop as they let Ray drive them back to the firehouse. He laid the horn and snarled at the drivers around them. “Idiot! Move it, you jerk!” He yelled out of the windows, swerving wildly through traffic.

 

Peter chuckled nervously, trying to defuse the tension in the car. “Hey, going a little fast, aren’t we? You’ve got sensitive cargo.”

 

Ray turned around. “You telling me how to drive?”

 

“No, man!” Winston came into the conversation. “We were just thinking-”

 

“Well, don’t think, shut up!”

As he said it, he whipped hard around a corner, running a red light.

 

“You’re going to kill someone, have you lost your mind?!” Peter yelped. Ray’s next statement made everyone’s blood run cold.

  
“No, I’m gonna kill EVERYBODY!” With that, a whole series of things happened - Ray swerved for the park, Winston decked him, and Ecto-1 crashed comfortably - directly into a tree.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An untimely arrival?

**Chapter Eleven**

 

Ray rubbed his temples a bit upon their return to the firehouse. They were fine - a pretty bad scare for everyone involved, especially the person in progress present in the accident. Egon wrapped an arm around his partner’s shoulders and whispered, “Are you sure you’re alright, sunshine?”

 

“Mmm. I just don’t know what came over me there.” Ray moaned softly and leaned into Egon’s side. “I got a headache, and my feet hurt, and I think I ate something weird.” Ray rubbed his stomach. “I… I think I need to lie down.”

 

“.... Alright.” Egon gently helped Ray up the stairs and into the bunk room. “Do you want me to stay?”

 

“If you want,” Ray muttered, curling up with Dopey. “M’just… I don’t feel good.” He made a purr-like noise as Egon gently sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his hair. “You’re too good to me.”

 

“I despise seeing you feeling sick. It’s sad.” Egon smiled a little. “Can I get you something to settle your stomach?”

 

“Mm. If you can find anything.”

 

“I’ll try, sunshine.” Egon pressed a kiss to Ray’s cheek and stood, heading into the kitchen to search for any kind of stomach remedy.

 

He was met with Winston and Peter, who looked understandably frightened like all hell. “Yes?” Egon raised an eyebrow as he opened the cupboard

 

“What’s wrong with pregs?” Peter asked, sounding legitimately concerned for once using that nickname. Egon sighed and shook his head.

 

“I’m not really sure. I’m wondering as well, if there’s something to do maybe with the painting. Even through everything with the baby...I’ve never seen him like that. It wasn’t normal.” He mused, searching the cabinet and happening upon some crackers

 

“...You don’t think that guy’s still up and kicking, and trying to get the little dude?” Winston raised an eyebrow.

 

Spengler hadn’t even considered that. It was a pretty scary thought. “I hope not.” He ran the tap for a while, filling up a glass with water. “It’d be a real annoyance if we went through this, then had our child possessed by a Carpathian warlord.”

 

Peter’s attention turned suddenly to something in the doorway. “Ray?” Stantz was standing, yes. But he was also holding his stomach and breathing hard. “I think...I think it’s about that time?” He groaned.

 

It took Egon a moment to really comprehend what was going on. “For what?”

 

Peter looked absolutely panicked, for the first time they’d ever seen.“Oh no, not that time. Not  _ that  _ time, Ray.”

 

Then, it set in for Egon. “Shit.” He swore rather uncharacteristically, getting up to support his partner. 

 

“S-so what’re we supposed to do, boil water? Get towels?” Peter stammered, looking between the other three.

 

* * *

 

 

Ray’s long groans of pain felt rather out of place, in the middle of the afternoon in labor and delivery. He felt absolutely terrible, and Egon was trying his best to comfort him, when he wasn’t having his hand broken. “Oh God, where’s the doctor?” He whimpered. “It hurts, Egie…”

 

As if on cue, Dr. White entered the room, looking down at her clipboard and smiling. “Okay, are you doing your breathing? Ready to meet your baby?” She asked, altogether too cheerful for the situation - in Ray’s opinion.

 

“Dammit, I quit three days in, the class was stupid!” He snarled. The expression on the doctor’s face said it all, and she raised her eyebrows and started to put on gloves.

 

“Okay, let’s take a look and see how dilated you are. Just try to relax and breathe in and out, in and out...”

 

There were a few tense moments where they waited for her to see. Egon thought Ray would break his fingers if she didn’t hurry. But, the doctor’s face took on a frown, from her place in between Ray’s legs in the stirrups. The latter looked worried. “Is there something wrong?”

 

“You’re hardly at a centimeter, Ray, nor has your water broken. I think you’re having your first set of Braxton-Hicks.” She said, standing up and removing her gloves. The couple looked at each other in confusion, and Ray managed to catch his breath.

 

“So...it was a false alarm?” He asked. “But, but it hurt so  _ bad _ .”

 

Dr. White smiled a little ruefully. “They can be very painful, it’s just your body trying to do the real thing.” She explained “It should be subsiding a little soon.”

 

And as she said it, it did, and Ray exhaled. “Yeah, it is. God...” He said, nodding and sitting up as he could. “That was weird.” Dr. White sat beside the bed and raised a brow.

 

“It’s very normal as you get closer and closer to the end, and I know you’re feeling ambitious, and as admirable as I find that, just take it easy these last few days - for all three of your sakes. We can release you tonight, after a little monitoring just to make sure we don’t have anything happening.”

 

As soon as the door closed, Ray groaned and looked down at his stomach. “Egon, why’s our kid such a drama queen already?”

  
“Maybe it comes from my mother.”


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more.

**Chapter Twelve**

 

Maybe, this would be the one.

 

Egon knew it was bad when Ray curled in on himself and made quiet, agonized noises instead of actually vocalizing his pain in words. In Labor and Delivery for the third time in almost as many days, Ray trembled with pain and tears formed in his eyes. Dr. White shook her head a bit from her position between Ray’s legs.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you’re not dilating at all. This isn’t presenting like a normal labor at all.” She stood and went to the head of the bed. “I think you’re having another false alarm.”

 

“Again?!” Ray cried, trembling and sweating. “But… i-it hurts so much! This-”

 

“Isn’t the real deal.” Dr. White patted his hand gently. “It’ll subside in a minute. That’s your body gearing up for the actual event, so hopefully you won’t be much longer.”

 

“I’m already overdue, Doc!”

 

“I know, hon, but only by a couple of days. I can’t induce you for a while yet.”

 

Ray groaned and let his head flop back onto the pillow. “Fuck.”

 

“Is the pain easing a little?”

 

“Mhm.” He rubbed his stomach again. “I just… I’m so done with this. So done.”

 

“I know. Shouldn’t be much longer if everything goes smoothly, alright?” The doctor smiled. “We’re gonna let you go home. Try and sleep. Your baby’ll get here as soon as it’s ready.”

 

“Oh God.”

 

Dr. White sighed and squeezed Ray’s shoulder. “I know. And, as a precaution, I’d really like for you to relax. No heavy lifting, no excessive exercise, nothing physically tasking. Sit or lay down as you can - the heaviest thing you should be lifting is a toothbrush, in my opinion, but that’s impractical, I know.”

 

“Okay. Thank you.” Ray said miserably, looking at the clock. 3 a.m., almost perfectly spaced and painful contractions - and no baby. He sighed when the door closed and looked up at his exhausted partner.

 

“I’m sorry, Spengs. It just felt like the real thing this time, I thought I was gonna split in half.” He groaned miserably. 

 

“I can’t be angry with you. You can’t control random contractions, sunshine, and that’s routine.”

 

On the ride home, Ray simply leaned against the window, a hand on his stomach. “This is ridiculous,” he grumbled. “It felt like the real deal.”

 

“I know. It would’ve been interesting to have had her come on Christmas day, too.” Egon smiled a little bit. “She’ll be here soon. I’m sure. You’ve been having more and more scares like this lately.” 

 

“I’m  _ tired  _ of scares!” Ray whined, maybe a bit overdramatically. “I’m sick of this!”

 

“I know the situation is… frustrating at best, sunshine,” Egon began, before Ray cut him off.

 

“Frustrating doesn’t cover it, Egon! My feet hurt, my back hurts, I’m nauseous, I’m tired, and I can’t even  _ do my fucking job  _ because this little shit refuses to come out!”

 

“Language, Ray.”

 

“He can’t hear me.”

 

“Au contraire.” Egon pulled the car into their apartment building’s parking garage. “I understand you’re upset. I really, honestly do. I’m not sure of how to respond without making it worse.”

 

Ray heaved a sigh. “How late do you have to be before they just do a c-section and yank the kid out that way?”

 

“I thought you wanted to do this naturally.”

 

“I mean, if he isn’t coming on his own, you do what you gotta, I guess,” Ray shrugged. “I’m just… I’m tired of being pregnant. Much more of this and I’m gonna give myself the c-section.”

 

“That would be incredibly dangerous. I would like to go into this with both you and the child alive.” Egon offered Ray a tentative smile and pat on the shoulder. “Soon. I know it’s going to be soon.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Ray returned the smile and turned to awkwardly heave himself out of the car. “But, I’m not answering the phone anymore - your mother called me yesterday to see if he’s out. And the day before that. And the day before that.”

 

“You know her. She’s excited about her latest grandchild, and her first one from me.” Egon shut the door and caught up in step to Ray as they went inside. “She asked if she could come and stay for a little bit after the baby’s born.”

 

“You do it and I’ll divorce you.”

 

“Buying rings in a jewelry store covered in burnt marshmallow doesn’t make us legally married.”

 

“You wanna test that theory?”

 

“Not tonight.”

 

“That’s what I thought, smart man.” Ray smirked as they entered their darkened apartment. “Damned 3 am hospital visits,” he muttered, expertly maneuvering his way around Mozart winding himself around their feet. “I’m tired.”

 

“Then get some rest, sunshine,” Egon said, wrapping an arm around Ray’s waist. “I could go for some more sleep, myself.”

 

Ray was all too eager to get back to bed. Egon had barely finished his second sentence before Ray had headed into the bedroom, stripped down to his underwear, and gotten back under the blankets. “Fuck this. Today’s already off to a bad start.”

 

Egon chuckled, following him closely as he shed his winter coat. Thank goodness he’d been too frazzled to actually put on clothes before going to the hospital. Didn’t need to change back into pajamas. He lay down beside Ray and pulled him into his side. “Then we’ll try again once the sun rises.”

 

“Mmm.” Ray made a tiny noise of mixed agreement and contentment. He rested a hand on his belly, paused a second, and then whispered, “Egie?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“... Are you excited yet?”

 

“A certain combination of both excitement and terror, honestly.” Egon rested his hand atop Ray’s. “But yes. I’m as ready for her arrival as you are.”

 

“So not ready at all?” Ray laughed softly. Egon couldn’t help but laugh with him, pulling the blankets over them.

  
“Go back to sleep, Ray.”


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get sticky, and angry, and moody, but right themselves in the end.

**Chapter Thirteen**

 

Breech. The word nobody wanted to hear at nearly a week overdue.

 

“So, it would appear your little one’s...indecisive.” Dr. White said, shaking her head. “A week or two earlier, she or he was trying their best to get out, and now they’re facing the worst way possible - her face is up, and her head’s up near the top of you, rather than on its way out.”

 

Ray would’ve gone pale, if he wasn’t so pale already. He felt terrible, and this hadn’t improved things in the slightest - not to mention, how busy they were after Christmas and such. “...Ugh.” He managed, letting his head fall on Egon’s shoulders. “Doc, I feel like a tick ready to pop.”

 

The doctor smiled sadly. “You’re probably sick to death of hearing this, but...I know. You’re going to be just fine. If this baby’s not out in a week, we induce and hope for the best.”

 

“Hope for the best?” Egon asked, furrowing his brow. “With all due respect, Dr. White, I would prefer to know for a fact my partner and child will be safe.”

 

“I understand, Mr. Spengler.” Dr. White glanced at the sonogram again. “With breech births, it’s hard to tell. Hopefully the little one rights themself within the next week.”

 

“And if she doesn’t?”

 

“Then we’ll most likely perform a cesarean. It’s much safer for both Ray and the baby than trying to deliver naturally, given he or she doesn’t turn the right way.”

 

Egon bit his lip, thinking. Ray just sighed heavily and rubbed his temples. “So… I can’t have my baby yet?”

 

“Hopefully, no. Should you go into labor with him like this, we’ll almost have to do a cesarean. It’s pretty dangerous to both you and your baby to try and have him normally if he’s breech.”

 

“Doc-”

 

“I’m sorry, Ray, but my hands are tied right now.” Dr. White turned off the machine and removed the wand from Ray’s stomach. “We need to hope he decides to lay the right way. Until then, though, there’s not much we can do.” Handing Ray a towel to once again wipe sonogram gel from his abdomen, Dr. White smiled a little. “Look at it this way. If he isn’t here in a week, then you’ll be holding your baby sometime in the first days of January at the very latest.” She went to the door. “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

 

“... No.” Ray looked unusually sullen, maybe even angry.

 

“Alright. See you soon, guys- hopefully to have a baby.” With that, she shut the door. Ray sighed and began wiping himself clean.

 

“... Are you alright, Ray?”

 

“Fine. Just peachy,” he grumbled, finishing cleaning his stomach off and pulling his shirt back down. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“I was just asking. You seem… upset, sunshine.”

 

“Don’t ~sunshine~ me!” Ray snapped, inflecting a sing-song mocking tone on Egon’s pet name for him. “God! I just want to go home!”

 

“... Oh.” Egon raised his eyebrows slightly at Ray’s outburst. Not entirely unexpected, considering the circumstances. “.... Alright, then.”

 

The walk was a little awkward, considering that Ray was both unusually incensed at his partner, and using him as a support.

 

“I’m assuming you won’t want to come and assist me in developing these photographs of Vigo.”

 

“Tomorrow.” Ray barked shortly, wincing visibly and grabbing at his side. “Right all in my ribs with the stupid hands…”

 

They managed to make it back to their apartment, without much more incident. Until they opened their front door - which was already open.

 

“Mother-?” “Katherine-?”

 

Ray seemed to snap out of his funk at the sight of Egon’s mother, due to just pure shock. Spengler sighed, rubbing his forehead. At first, her grandmotherly behavior had been endearing. Then overbearing. Now, she was around 24/7. Now, Egon saw why Elon had decided to move before having his children.

 

“I figured I’d come and do some cleaning, in case the baby came today!” Katherine chirped much too cheerily from where she was tackling the horrendous stack of dishes and general chaos centered around the kitchen - a week of Ray being almost as sick as he’d been during the first trimester, not to mention general pain, business, and trying everything to get this baby out had wrecked their already calamitous domesticity.

 

Ray tensed a bit when Katherine mentioned the baby possibly coming. “Yeah, no,” he said, glaring at his stomach. “The little asshole decided to turn around the wrong way.”

 

“Oh, dear.” Katherine paused in her washing of dishes. “She’s breech?”

 

“Apparently.”

 

“Oh, my. That’s definitely not good.” Egon’s mother approached them and took Ray’s hand. “Don’t worry. Medicine is much more advanced than it was when I was having children. They’ll just cut you open and pull that baby right out!”

 

Ray sighed. “But I wanted to do this naturally.”

 

Egon rubbed Ray’s shoulder gently. “The baby isn’t coming for a while yet, most likely. If she isn’t making her way out on her own in a week they’ll induce him. Until then, she’s still waiting.”

 

“Well, it’s still less than a week!” Katherine said with a smile. “My Egon’s first baby, born during Hanukkah of all times!”

 

“Hopefully.”

 

“But most likely!”

 

Egon rolled his eyes a bit. “Mother, we appreciate the help, but neither of us are feeling especially great today. We had a tough day at the doctor.”

 

“All the more reason for me to be here! You two just relax and focus on the baby, I’ll do the work. Lord knows Ray doesn’t need to be doing anything intensive in his state!”

 

“Oh my God, I’m not even-”

 

“Sunshine, please!” Egon murmured. “Thank you, Mother. It means a lot to us.”

 

Ray had his own thoughts on just how much he appreciated his mother-in-law, but he instead decided to pick up  _ Tobin’s Spirit Guide  _ from the coffee table and put his feet up to read.

 

“You’re still letting the cat around?”

 

Stantz sighed, rolling his eyes. This again. Even though Mozart practically shit seeing him nowadays, he still didn’t care about his mother in law’s griping about every little thing.

“As long as I am living and breathing, Katherine, the cat will remain.”

 

“Well, have the baby too, then! See how you feel with a baby that won’t sleep for more than two hours and that cat running under your feet!” Katherine set down a plate. “Have you tried walking? Maybe even…?” She put on a secretive smile and nodded toward Egon’s turned back.

 

Ray rolled his eyes again. “No, Katherine, we haven’t tried that. With all due respect, that’s kind of how I got into this situation in the first place.”

 

“Well, it’ll help. My friend Mary, she said that sex made her second baby shoot right out when she was overdue.”

 

“Oh my god,” Ray groaned, rubbing his temples. “I feel like a beached whale. There’s no way I’m having sex like this.” He paused and thought a second. “And besides, wouldn’t that be weird? The baby’s  _ right there _ .”

 

“No, no, the cervix is much too thick for any penetration,” Egon said, not even turning around from the bookshelf. “And even if I did manage to get past your cervix, there’s still a thick membrane, not to mention the mucus plug and the amniotic sac-”

 

“Oh God,  _ I get it! _ ” Ray exclaimed, throwing his copy of Tobin’s onto the coffee table. “I’m not in the mood for this bullshit today. Call me if you need me. I’m gonna take a nap or something.” With that, he stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

 

“... Well, who peed in his Cheerios?” Katherine asked.

 

“I’m not positive. I think he’s just… frustrated. Tired. Overwhelmed.” Egon selected one of Ray’s favorite albums from their collection. Maybe that would at least put him in a better mood. “We did get some bad news at the doctor’s today, after all. Not to mention the mood swings.”

 

“Still!” Katherine dried a glass and set it aside. “I never acted like that toward your father, and I had two of you in me at once!”

 

“Give him some time to cool down. Ray doesn’t stay angry for very long.”

 

True to Egon’s word, when he entered their room, Ray seemed much calmer. “I’m sorry, Egie. I don’t...something just came over me. I don’t know if it was a mood swing or what.”

 

“You’re forgiven, you know I understand.” Egon said, joining his partner sitting on the bed. “Maybe hearing the screeching demons you’re so fond of will make our daughter feel the need to exit.”

 

“Danny Elfman is not a screeching demon. And playing the Toreador March will not make our kid any smarter, he’ll just be a snob.”

 

“Oh, don’t be that way.” Egon smirked a bit, placing the headphones on Ray’s stomach.

 

“Well, don’t badmouth Oingo Boingo in front of me again.” Ray smiled, laying back and rubbing his stomach. “Or Rush, for that matter. You know Geddy Lee is the only man I’d ever leave you for.”

 

Egon chuckled and shook his head, smiling affectionately. “If you say so, sunshine.” He took Ray’s hand, squeezing gently. “So do you feel up to rejoining the world of the living, or do you want some more time alone?”

 

A pause. “... If it’s okay, I’d like to use the record player in here for a while. I… I still don’t feel that great. And you know how tired of your mother I’m getting…”

 

“You and me both,” Egon whispered, ruffling Ray’s hair. “Alright. I’ll leave you and your screeching demons alone.” Egon plugged in the headphones, situated the record on the turntable, turned it on, and set the needle on the record. “Join us whenever you’re ready, sunshine. I love you.”

  
“... Love you, too, Egie.” Ray smiled a little, watching Egon leave and shut the door behind him.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demon king + mood slime + some unaddressed feelings = a complete fuckin' disaster.

**Chapter Fourteen**

 

“How it’s swinging, pregs?”

 

Peter looked up from whatever he was reading at the front desk, to where Ray and Egon were walking in. 

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Someone’s hormooonal!” Peter said, altogether too cheerful, but having enough good sense not to push the issue much further. “So, how’s the niece or nephew in progress?”

 

Ray and Egon both looked even more tired at that mention. “We’ve walked for approximately five hours, twenty-one minutes, and a second this week in an effort to encourage natural labor.” The latter said, studying his watch and patting his partner’s shoulder.

 

“Huh. That bad?” Venkman chuckled almost amused. Winston came in from the other room, joining Peter in his mirth. 

 

“Hey, don’t worry - my Ma was almost as long late as you are. Speaking of late, you two hanging around tonight to get those pictures Pete took at the museum?”

 

“Yeah, suppose we gotta do that sooner or later,” Ray muttered, yawning softly. “Even though I just wanna go to bed and will this little shit out of me…”

 

Egon rubbed Ray’s shoulder gently. “Any day now, sunshine. Any day now.” He turned to Winston. “We’ll be here. In fact, it might be a good idea to get started on that now so we can be done before dinner time.”

 

Winston nodded and looked at Ray. “You look… kinda out of it.”

 

“Mm. I’m fine. I’m just… tired.”

 

“Yeah. You want some extra help up the stairs, bud?”

 

“If you don’t mind.”

 

Winston got on Ray’s left, opposite Egon, and let his friend put his arm over his shoulders. “So how much does the bun in the oven weigh now?”

 

“Doc says he’s probably about 7 pounds. Maybe 8.”

 

“But… you’re so small, still.”

 

“He’s sitting back pretty far. He’s a normal-sized baby, he’s just sitting weird.” Ray sighed a little in relief as they reached the top of the steps. “Thanks, Winston.”

 

“Hey, no problem. Least I can do.” Winston smiled and nudged Ray in the ribs gently. “Don’t overwork yourself. The last thing we need is you stressing out so much you go into labor.”

 

“Labor would be a goddamn blessing right now.”

 

“Hey, language. Your kid’s gonna come out like a sailor.”

 

“That would actually be pretty funny.” Ray smiled a bit and headed for the darkroom. Egon stayed behind a second.

 

“Thanks for the help, Winston. … If it’s not too much trouble, could you stay close? Just in case something happens in there. I trust you to help us more than Venkman any day.”

 

“No problem. You figure out what’s going on with those pictures. I’ll be out here.”

 

When Egon got back, Ray was already sorting through the camera. “So, what are you expecting?” The former asked. When his partner gave him a rather exhausted look, he hurriedly added, “No pun intended in asking.”

 

“Well, from what we have seen, trace emanations of all kinds of things. Perhaps multi-planar.” Ray half-yawned, half spoke, lowering the rag he had near his face as he dropped the photos into a small chemical bath. He took a bit of an unsteady step back in the semi-darkness, and leaned as he could on the counter comfortably.

 

“A fair hypothesis. Let me slip past you.” Egon picked up a magnifying glass and studied a picture already drying on the line. “Oh yes, we were right. Multi-planar curliean emanations.”

 

“Here’s your next month’s cover of GQ. Check out the aura on this sucker!” Ray added another picture to the line.

 

“...There is something. You sit down, I can run this wider shot through the spectronalizer, and turn up the roentgens.”

 

“So, what do you think tonight? I kinda feel up to Chinese, but not especially. Stupid old aversions coming back like hell.”

 

“Maybe… how about Thai?”

 

“Ugh, no. Too spicy. Even if the baby didn’t hate it, I do. Greek?”

 

“Mexican?”

 

“... Pizza.”

 

“You’re up to pizza?”

 

“Maybe. The thought of it isn’t making my stomach turn.”

 

“Thin or thick?”

 

“ _ Chicago. _ ”

 

“Craving pizza sauce?”

 

“... Maybe a little.” Ray smiled a bit. The spectronalizer spat out the picture, and Egon grabbed it to hang it up on the line. “... What the hell is that?” he asked, grabbing his magnifying glass and analyzing the picture.

 

Ray stared at the picture for a moment. “I know what it is. I’ve seen it.”

 

“Where?”

 

“When you had me a mile below 1st Avenue dangling on a hook.” Ray nodded toward the picture. “It’s the river of slime.”

 

Both of them jumped back, as the picture burst into flames. “Wha-?”

 

The rest of the pictures followed suit, with no apparent reason as to why. Ray went for the doorknob, twisting it a few times.

 

“We need a blanket or a hose or something! Why’s this locked?”

 

They both started yelling for Winston, Egon ever thankful he’d asked him to stay near. The door came down with a kick from Winston, and the fire extinguisher Peck’d forced them to keep around was quite useful. When the fire was out, the three were quiet for a second.

 

“What happened?” Winston asked.

 

“I-I don’t know.” Ray managed after another a second, ignoring his own beating heart to feel the baby’s sudden urgent kicking after their scare. “They just burned.”

 

“You’re all alright?”

 

“Yes.” Egon stepped a bit closer to Ray, but still a bit too shook up to touch his partner. “But, I think we need to do some further investigation of the river of slime. Tonight.”

* * *

  
  


“This tunnel has to be crawling with roaches,” Winston muttered, his flashlight barely enough to light up the darkness of the abandoned pneumatic transit tunnels.

 

“Oh, it’s not the roaches you have to worry about,” Ray said, smirking a little. “It’s the rats. They get huge down here.”

 

“I’ve heard they get up to 12 kilos,” Egon added, glancing around at the walls for any sign of spectral activity. “Listen. If you’re quiet you can hear them scratching in the walls…”

 

“Just shut up about the rats, alright?” Winston asked, shaken by the discussion of 12 kilogram rats. The trio was quiet for a minute, then Ray broke it by calling “Hellooooo?” into the dark void before them.

 

His voice echoed back. “ _ Hellooooo? _ ”

 

Egon chose to test it next. “Hey!”

 

“ _ Hey! _ ”

 

Winston laughed a little, the tension diffused a bit. “Hello!”

 

A lengthy pause. Then an unexpected fourth voice chimed in.

 

“ **_Wiiiiiinstooooooon._ ** ”

 

That stopped them all in their tracks. Winston started shaking his head, turning around with the other two. “That’s it, I’m out-!”

 

Almost as soon as they did, they all jumped and turned at the former’s yell as a head on a pike appeared out of seemingly nowhere. That got them started, and it seemed like an army of heads surrounded them, horrified faces meeting them at every turn. Thinking back on it, Ray wondered how that  _ didn’t  _ send him into impromptu labor.

 

Then it ended, and they were alone, trying to catch their breath. Ray took a little longer, having to breathe for another person, so Egon was the first to speak. “Before we go any further, we should get our proton packs.”

 

The other two nodded, and turned back to follow Egon out, treading cautiously. Then a rumbling began in the distance.

 

“What the hell is that?” Winston breathed.

 

“Sounds like a train...but these lines have been abandoned...for fifty years.” Ray panted in response.

 

The three continued on the way out, but the sound only got closer. They paused again.

 

“... Probably in the tunnels above us,” Egon said, attempting to be reassuring.

 

“... It sounds too close for that,” Winston answered, and the three of them turned around to glance behind them.

Sure enough, a transparent locomotive was barrelling towards them at high speeds. Egon and Ray managed to dive out of the way, but Winston wasn’t quite so lucky. He remained frozen in one spot as the train passed through him, screaming the entire time.

 

Egon clambered out of his hiding spot and approached a very dazed Winston once the ghost train had passed. “That was the old pneumatic transit!” he said, voice tinged with both fear and boyish excitement. “It derailed in 1920, killed hundreds of people! Did you get the number on the locomotive?!”

 

Winston stood frozen and mute for a second longer. Then he managed to croak, “Sorry. I missed it.”

 

“Something’s trying to stop us, so we must be close.” Egon mused, all kinds of serious. Winston, having gotten his wits about him, realized something - or someone - was out place. 

 

“Where’s Ray?” He asked, a note of worry entering his voice. Egon frowned deeply.

 

“Ray?” “Ray! “ Rayy?”

 

“GUYS!”

 

Winston and Egon both jumped as Ray popped up from a side entrance. The latter got a bit sheepish. “Sorry. I found it...s’right through here…”

 

The other two kept a careful eye on their partner, who seemed to get slower and less alert as they got closer and closer to the slime. “Ray, we can walk back up if you’re not feeling one hundred percent.” Winston tried cautiously, but the younger shook his head in determination.

 

“I...I’m fine.” Ray said, managing to hide how much pain he was feeling. His stomach, he would’ve thought, but it felt...different.

 

Breaking through a small wall of debris, they finally reached their bubbling, pink destination. “Whoa,” Winston intoned, as Egon just stared at the river for a moment.

 

“Told you, didn’t I?” Ray said, a hand on his belly in an attempt to calm the baby’s urgent kicking and squirming. “River of slime.”

 

Egon nodded a bit. “Right. Let’s get a sounding, see how deep it is.” Winston pulled free some tape on a reel attached to his belt. Dropping the line in the slime, he stood for a moment.

 

“Alright. Six feet.”

 

The line continued into the bubbling river. “Twelve feet…”

 

“Twelve?”

 

“Something’s pulling on the line,” Winston said, a hint of worry seeping into his voice. “I can’t-”

 

A flurry of incoherent activity later, Winston was pulled headfirst into the slime. Ray and Egon stood in shock for a second as he floated down the river, screaming as he did. The pair turned and looked at each other, then held their noses and jumped in themselves.

 

The exit found them when they managed to catch a ladder to a manhole. Pushing the cover aside as they surfaced, the three of them coughed and spluttered a bit as they forced themselves out of the hole. Winston offered Ray his hand, pulling him up. “Jeez…”

 

He was busy wiping the slime from his face when he heard Ray and Egon shouting at each other.

 

“Nice going, Raymond! Are you so useless now, you can’t even help someone not  _ drown _ ?!”

 

“It’s not my fault I’m stuck carrying your spawn because you don’t know when to quit!”

 

“All you ever do is vomit and complain!” This was accompanied by a rough shove on Egon’s part. “And, nobody never told you to carry it!  I never wanted a stupid  _ child  _ by you! You could’ve gotten rid of it, back when it was just a clump of cells, and another one of your grand accidents!”

 

“Just because you knocked me up, doesn’t mean I won’t kill you right here, right now, Spengler!”

 

Winston cringed when he noticed Egon shoving Ray. Pausing to think and toning out the violent lover’s spat, he practically saw the lightbulb appear over his head when he realized what was going on. “Guys, guys, guys!” Winston dashed to Egon and Ray, currently grappling each other, and tore them apart. “Get your clothes off! Strip!”

 

The three of them disrobed quickly, and just as abruptly as it started, the fight seemed to end. Standing in their long underwear and not a lot else, Egon and Ray stared at each other for a second.

 

“What on Earth was that…?” Egon asked, squinting at Ray in an attempt to bring him into focus without his glasses. “I… I was ready to kill you.”

 

Ray was quiet, looking his partner up and down. “It’s the slime,” he murmured, before placing a hand on his stomach. A combination of fiery anger and crushing sadness settled in his chest. “... Did you mean it when you said you don’t want this baby?”

 

Egon’s eyes widened. “What? No! Of course not!”

 

Ray paused. “... I don’t believe you, Egon.”

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t believe you. You don’t want this kid. You've never-" Ray's lip wobbled and his voice seized. " _Ever_ wanted this kid. A nd you don’t want me.”

 

“Ray, sunshine-”

 

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ call me sunshine!” Ray snapped. “I’m not falling for that bullshit anymore, Egon!”

 

“But I didn’t-”

 

“Don’t even try.” Ray wrenched the ring off his finger. “You don’t want me or our baby, fine. I don’t want you either, and we don't need you.” Throwing the ring to the ground, Ray stomped off down the road.

 

“Ray-” Egon called after him, picking the ring up. “Ray, please, don’t act like this!”

 

“Ray, what the hell?!” Winston called, chasing after Ray. “Dude, you were about to kill him, too! Neither of you were- are- thinking straight right now!”

 

“Don’t talk to me, Winston,” Ray snarled. “Just leave me alone.” With that, he continued on his path.

 

“... We should find Peter,” Winston said as Egon caught up to him. Egon didn’t say anything, not even a noise of agreement. “Hey. You alright?”

  
“Fine,” Egon barked, though his breaking voice gave him away. “Let’s just…. Let’s just find Venkman and get on this. I have a very bad feeling.”


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing gets that labor started like demonic interference.

**Chapter Fifteen**

 

When Ray ‘woke up’, he was on the floor, somewhere cold and tiled. He felt awful, like something was crushing and eating him up inside, and he didn’t know what. His blurry vision focused on his hand in front of him - where the hell was his wedding ring? 

 

Then it all came flooding back. But he didn’t get a chance to think on his sudden heartache too long.

 

“Ohhh, you finally choose to join de land of de living!” An all-too-familiar and implacable accent chirped. “Of course, you were awake before, but, ehhh, not all there, yes?”

 

“What the…?” Ray asked, trembling. “Where… what? What am I doing-” a pause to look around the room. The restoration room of the museum? What the hell? “... here?”

 

“Is long story,” Janosz began, “But you come here and you were alone… and very slimy. It vas very easy to get you to agree to de contract.”

 

“Contract…?”

 

“Between you and Vigo!” Janosz gestured to the painting of Vigo, surrounded by candles and an altar before it. “You, Ray, are about to give birth to  de reincarnation of Vigo!”

 

“What?!” Ray backed away as well as he could on the floor. “No! You can’t have my baby!

“Ahhhh, is a bit late for second thoughts.” Janosz turned to the portrait. “At stroke of midnight on New Year’s day, Vigo’s reign begins anew!”

 

A new feeling entered Ray’s body, and he cried out, feeling the strongest contraction he’d felt, through all the false alarms and cramps he’d felt all nine months. “Ow...oh God..”

 

“Is a shame that you dump...your vatever. Boyfriend? Husband? He will miss the birth of vis son - or daughter - as the new soul of Vigo!”

 

As the contraction tapered off, Ray got enough of his strength to spit at Janosz’s ankles. “No,” he snarled. “You can’t have him. And, I swear, I will keep him in me as long as possible to keep you away from him, you son of a-”

 

Ray’s next oath was cut off by a cry of pain as another contraction came. He was already near five minutes apart, laboring painfully on the floor of the museum. and the only person he wanted in the whole world right now, more likely than not despised him. And, laying there twisted like a pretzel, he felt absolutely helpless.

 

* * *

  
  
  


‘So the slime makes you crazy? Neat,” Peter said, on the ferry to Liberty Island. “I mean, it sucks that he stomped off like that, but it’s still neat.”

 

Egon was busy staring at Ray’s wedding ring in his palm. He sighed and clutched the metal circle in his hand, not even looking up when Winston came near him.

 

“You alright?” Winston asked softly, sitting beside Egon on the deck. “You know he didn’t mean it, right?”

 

“I know,” Egon said softly. “I’m just… worried. I have this nagging feeling that something is very wrong.”

 

“Hey. That’s why we’re bringing Libby on board.” Winston smiled. “We’ll fix it. Or we ain’t the Ghostbusters, right?”

 

Egon couldn’t help but smile back. “Right.”

 

The ferry came to a stop, and he took a breath in, dropping the ring into a secure pocket of his uniform. The three stopped and stared up at the towering statue above. 

“Kind of makes you wonder?”

 

“Wonder what exactly, Venkman?”

 

“If she’s naked under that toga.”

 

After the brief interlude, they managed to make their way inside, where they got to work dousing the insides of the statue with the positively charged slime they’d found. If it could make their kid move, Egon figured, with some musical encouragement as well via Jackie Wilson, they could move the Statue of Liberty. The three looked out from the top, and Peter yelled before he hit the Walkman. “We gotta get some New Years’ cheer in this old statue!”

 

Sure enough, as the music began to play, the slime buzzed, fizzed, crackled… and the statue took a step off her pedestal. “Yes!” Egon cried, directing the statue through the harbor and onto dry land.

 

“Where do you think Lamb Chop went?” Peter asked, looking out over the city from the Statue of Liberty’s crown. Spotting the museum covered in pulsing pink slime, he tilted his head a bit. “... That nightmare might be a good place to start.”

 

Egon nodded and began directing the statue down the streets of New York toward the museum, delicately avoiding stepping on cheering crowds the entire way… though an unoccupied police car did end up in the statue’s path. Egon winced a bit. “Sorry about that! My fault!” he called as they continued to their destination.

 

Within the pulsing terror that the museum had come, Stantz could feel himself getting closer and closer to needing to push. It was getting closer to midnight, and his contractions were but about a minute apart. He didn’t think his water’d broken yet, so it wasn’t horrible - yet. He didn’t let that on to Janosz, who was almost mockingly festive with a party hat and a glass of champagne.

 

“So, how are ve feeling? Ready to birth Vigo into the new era?” He asked with a fake gentle concern. Ray had to force himself to smile, nodding through gritted teeth.

 

“Well, keep your breathing, or vatever, and ve will see what your lord commands to do next.”

 

Ray’s attention, however, was not on Janosz, but on the music and singing he could hear outside. What was that?

 

Janosz seemed to finally notice the singing as well. “Yes, yes… Midnight at last. Any minute now you will become the… what is it you are to this baby?”

 

Ray snarled a bit. “Don’t even fucking think about calling me a mother, you piece of shit,” he hissed.

 

Janosz shrugged. “Fair enough,” he said, pausing to look up when a flickering, flame-like light filled the room. Ray glanced up as well, smiling through the agony at the sight of his coworkers- and partner- in the crown of the Statue of Liberty, currently preparing to smash the skylight in with her torch.

 

“What?! No! Go avay!”

 

A bit late, though. Glass crashed in around them, and the three non-incapacitated Ghostbusters slid into the room on ropes.

 

“Happy New Year!” Peter announced when the Ghostbusters made their very dynamic entry, as Egon waved sheepishly to Ray. Ray just smiled back and reached for him, offering an apology unspoken. Egon moved quicker than he had in years to be at Ray’s side.

 

“Oh, god, sunshine, I was worried sick,” he murmured into Ray’s ear. “Are you alright?”

 

“... Not exactly.” Ray tried to be lighthearted, but soon trailed off in a whimper of pain and curling around himself. Egon’s eyes went wide - this was it, really it.

 

“It’s okay, we’re going to get you out of this hellhole and we’re going to have Curie and we’ll be just fine-!”

 

Peter and Winston were cornering Janosz, blasters aimed. “Oh, you’ve barked up the wrong tree. Hose him!”

 

Within a minute, Janosz was on the ground, unconscious and covered in slime. “One down!” Winston called out, going to assist Egon in getting Ray off the ground.

 

“Hey, Lamb Chop, you gave us a real scare! You feeling okay?” Peter sauntered over. It only took one noise that Ray made for him to nod and instead look around.

 

“Okay, well, let’s get you to a hospital, huh?”

 

Before they had the chance to even consider getting Ray to an ambulance, or even to Ecto-1, a cold and ominous breeze blew through the room. Egon tightened his grip on his partner, who stumbled and nearly fell as another hard contraction wracked his body. “Egon…”   
  


“Shhh, shhh, sunshine, it’s alright. It’s all going to be alright…” Egon whispered, trying his best to believe his own words despite the knowledge that it may very well not be alright. Glancing to the painting, he felt his heart stop when he saw Vigo was no longer present.

 

“Oh, no.”

 

The tyrant materialized at the altar, turning his head in the direction of Ray and the pained noises he was making.

 

Peter aimed his proton wand at Vigo. “Stay right there, blondie,” he snarled, “Or I zap you so hard your grandma’ll feel it.”

 

Vigo’s head turned swiftly to Peter, and then the trio was suddenly incapacitated along with their laboring partner, groaning right with him.

 

Egon hissed in pain. “Peter, can you move?”

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

“Winston?”

 

He only received a groan in response, and they watched Vigo stalk past them toward the fallen Ray. He tried through his agony to get as far away from the overlord as he could. “Go...away…”

 

The overlord was stronger, however, and had taken Ray by his shoulders, getting ready to place his hands over Ray’s stomach, when he was distracted by a cry from Peter.

 

“Not so fast, Vigo!” He started dragging himself along the floor. “Yeah, you! Anyone tell you the big shoulder look is out? And, really, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the cake pal! Only a Carpathian would come back to life  _ now  _ and pick New York! If you had a brain in that huge melon, you could be living the sweet lie in southern California’s beautiful San Fernando Valley!”

 

Peter figured he deserved the paralysis that came next. Ray made a few last weak attempts at fighting off Vigo. “No…!”

 

“Now we become one,” Vigo half-hissed, half-growled in a deep, demonic voice. His hands mere centimeters above Ray’s stomach, he stopped and made an agonized noise.

 

“What the hell?” Ray asked, panting through the pain ripping through him. Vigo roared in pain and thrashed as the singing outside grew louder, turning away and stumbling slightly.

 

Peter felt his muscles relax after a second, and Egon cried, “I can move!”

 

The three Ghostbusters not currently in labor got to their feet a bit clumsily. Winston aimed his slime blower at Vigo’s back.

 

“Now?”

 

“Hose him.”

 

Winston pulled the lever to fire, coating the demon-king in thick pinkish ooze.

 

“He’s back in the painting!” Egon said, aiming his proton wand at the painting. “Peter, NOW!”

 

The two of them fired, and after a blinding and near-deafening explosion, everything seemed calmer.

 

Winston groaned a little. “Ow. Jeez, my ears…” he paused then, and looked at the painting. “Guys, check it out…”

 

Winston, Peter, and Egon stared at the painting a second. Egon returned to his partner’s side to help him to his feet, then returned to the piece of art. “Early Renaissance. Possibly Da Vinci, maybe a Francesca.”

 

“No, no,” Peter said, stroking his non-existent beard. “I believe it’s one of the Fettucines.”

 

The painting- the four of them draped in godly robes, with a mystery curly-headed infant on a pedestal between them- was really something to behold.

 

The moment was shattered by Ray crying out in pain. “Ow! Jesus…”

 

“Oh, shit,” Peter said nervously. “So, um, it really is  _ time  _ then, huh?”

  
“ **_Get me to a fucking hospital!_ ** ”


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baby comes out, and Peter loses.

**Chapter Sixteen**

 

“Is that Ray or the baby?”

 

Peter and Winston both looked up from the outdated magazines they had in the hospital waiting room as they heard a long wail from the labor and delivery wing just off to their left. Winston grimaced and nodded.

 

“That’s our little buddy alright. I'd recognize his 'I just stubbed my toe' yell from anywhere.”

 

Inside, Ray was in intense labor, though…

 

Dr. White smiled and laughed a little. “Okay, Ray, you’ve got one more centimeter, then you can push!” 

 

Ray wanted to cry - he’d never been in so much pain in his life, even when he’d broken his damn finger in that house, no pain of any kind rivalled this. He tried last ditch what Lamaze he could remember.

 

The chipper doctor called over her shoulder as she washed her hands. “Are we trying our breathing?”

 

“ **_FUCK MY BREATHING!_ ** ”

 

The door swung open, and Peter peered in with a Styrofoam cup of coffee in hand. “Whoa, hey, we’re gonna have to get an exorcist in here huh? So, what’s the ETA on that-?” He paused in his swagger as he actually got a look at what was going down in front of his eyes. “Whoa.”

 

Egon, sitting next to Ray in scrubs, only shook his head and held an ice pack on his bruised hand. The latter, however, found enough in him past the pain to speak.

 

“Get out.” He growled, low at first.

 

“Jeez, Lamb Chop, I was just checkin’ on you and making sure you weren’t… dying or something.” Peter said. Ray, panting, sweaty, pale, and trembling with pain and fatigue, snarled at him almost animalistically.

 

“ **Get out of here before I rip your goddamn intestines out through your** **_taint!_ ** ”

 

Peter stood in silence for a second. Egon shrugged a little and said, “If it’s of any comfort, that isn’t the most violent threat he’s directed toward  _ me _ tonight.”

 

Peter simply backed out of the room and went back to the waiting room. “So how is he?” Winston asked, still thumbing through a six-month-old issue of  _ Sports Illustrated  _ as Peter numbly sat beside him.

 

“He threatened to rip my intestines out through my taint.”

 

“Whoa.” Winston winced slightly. “That bad?”

 

“He’s been worse to Spengs, apparently.”

 

In fact, Ray was currently being much, much worse to Egon. “God _ dammit _ Egon, see if I ever have sex with you again! Jesus!”

 

“Sunshine-”

 

“I’M GONNA RIP YOUR FUCKING TONGUE OUT OF YOUR HEAD IF YOU DON’T STOP TALKING!”

 

Dr. White bit back snickers when Egon looked at her with a stunned expression. “Believe it or not, I’ve heard much worse.”

 

She took a look between Ray’s legs again, before peeking around the table. “You’re ready, hon! You can push!”

 

Egon thought his fingers would break when Ray bore down, gripping his hand as tight as he could. “Ow, ow! Oh God, why the  _ fuck  _ did I say I wanted to do this naturally?!”

 

“Push! I see a curly head of hair!”

 

Ray inhaled, then let out a loud scream as he gave another big push down. “W-what does it look like?!”

 

Egon stood to hold Ray’s other foot, then took a moment to glance down. He paled. “Oh, hon, you don’t want to see it.” He mumbled quickly, patting his partner’s leg. “Just….push.”

 

“Bear down, the hard part’s coming, the shoulders!”

 

They probably established a land sound record for the scream that came next, and Egon didn’t dare look at what was happening just below his chest, just kept his eyes on Ray. If he looked down one more time, he’d be on the floor.

 

“Alright, hon, you’re almost done, one more big push and your baby’s here!”

 

Egon winced as Ray almost broke his fingers again. The latter howled in agony, echoing Egon’s exact sentiments as pain shot through his dominant hand.

 

Then they heard a loud and distinctly infantile cry.

 

“Is… is it over…?” Ray asked, panting and dripping with sweat.

 

“You did it, Ray!” Dr. White said, smiling at him. “You had a baby!”

 

Ray smiled at Egon, tears in his eyes. “I had a baby?”

 

Egon smiled back, the biggest he’d smiled in his life. “You did it, sunshine,” Egon whispered, brushing sticky curls of hair from Ray’s forehead and kissing him there gently.

 

After a couple moments, Dr. White said, “Dad, would you like to cut the cord?”

 

Egon’s smile widened- more than he thought he was physically capable of smiling- and he gave Ray’s hand one final squeeze before approaching the table where Dr. White handed him a pair of medical scissors.

 

One clean cut, and the infant was swaddled in a blue blanket and handed to Egon. “Congrats. It’s a beautiful, healthy baby boy.”

 

“Oh my god,” Egon whispered, smiling  like a loon and feeling tears pool in his eyes. He carried their son back to Ray, sitting beside him with the baby. “I was wrong. It’s… it’s not a Curie.” He laughed softly, passing Ray their child.

 

Ray felt the tears in his eyes as well. “Wow.” He laughed a little bit in disbelief. “Look what we made.”

 

Their son was a little bigger than they’d thought - the final count came in at almost 9 pounds, and almost 21 inches. As told, his little curly crop of dark brown hair came over his eyes, mismatched just like Ray’s with one blue, one brown. He’d stopped crying for the most part, and now seemed more interested in looking up at his parents.

 

“We must look like hell.” Ray mused, reaching to let the baby’s searching hands grab onto his finger. “He’s out and convinced his dad is the damn cryptkeeper.”

 

“Well, we’ve been through a considerable bit today, wouldn’t you say?” Egon asked. “So, Mr. Quark Raymond Egon Spengler-Stantz?”

 

“It’s a mouthful for sure. I think he’s gonna be just Quark for a while.” Ray nodded, smoothing a stray curl back over Quark’s head. “He’s adorable. You want to see where Winston and Pete went?”

 

“I suppose I should. And call my mother.”

 

Ray almost visibly winced when Egon mentioned his mother. “Please, no.”

 

“She’ll want to know about her grandson being born, won’t she?”

 

“Can’t you call her when I’m not a wreck?”

 

“Sunshine, for someone who just gave birth, you look positively radiant.” Egon kissed Ray’s cheek softly. “I need to tell her.”

 

“... Can’t you at least call Louis and Janine first? Or Dana? Or literally anyone else?”

 

“I would catch hell from her…”

 

“Egon, I just shoved a 9-pound human being out of me. Whatever your mother says cannot be worse than what I just went through.”

 

As if on cue, Peter and Winston entered the room, looking a bit harried and carrying balloons and a couple of small gifts. “Sorry we’re late,” Peter said, “but you wouldn’t believe the nonsense we had to go through to get this stuff.”

 

Winston lay a teddy bear with a blue ribbon around its neck and a green blanket with white satin trim and various jungle animals printed on the cotton fabric on the bed beside Ray. “This stuff was the easy part.”

 

Then Ray noticed the balloons Peter was carrying.

 

“... What in the hell is a ‘byab’?”

 

“A ‘byab’ is the best I could do at 3 am on New Year’s Day.” Peter shrugged a little. “I had my choice between this or ‘it’s a gril’ so I went with this.”

 

Ray barely held back laughter. “It’s the thought that counts, I suppose. Do you, um...want to hold him, Winston?”

 

Peter laughed a bit, but frowned as Quark was passed into Winston’s arms. “Hey, when can a new uncle hold his cool nephew?”

 

“In 2008.” Egon deadpanned, pulling the scrub mask from around his neck. Venkman’s face furrowed even further.

 

“But he’s gonna be eighteen.”

 

“Exactly.” Ray said, smiling a bit at his friend.

 

“Okay,” Peter said, offering his finger to Quark in Winston’s arms. “So, you wait until you’re almost three months into this to tell me you don’t have the flu, but a baby, now you won’t let me hold the kid.”

 

“You couldn’t even find a correctly spelled balloon.”

 

“I told you it was the best I could do at this hour!” Peter whined, pouting at Ray. “I could have gone with ‘it’s a gril’ and not only got a misspelled balloon, but a completely wrong one! Hallmark doesn’t have ‘congrats on not birthing a demon’ balloons and certainly not at three a.m. on New Years!”

 

“But ‘it’s a byab’ is acceptable.”

 

“Well, he is a baby.”

 

Ray chuckled a little. “Yeah, alright. I’m buying an it’s a gril balloon if we have another kid and it’s a girl, though.”

 

Winston smiled a little bit as Quark made a tiny noise and gripped Peter’s finger. “He’s gorgeous, guys. Good job.”

 

“I think Egon did most of the work on this one.” Ray smiled. “I mean, look at him.”

 

“He does look an awful lot like you, specs,” Peter said, giving Egon a glance and- for once- less than smug smirk. “No way you can deny this kid is yours.”

 

“I had no plans to.” Egon watched Winston and Peter with his son for a moment. “I actually need to go call my mother… and Janine, and Louis, and Dana-”

 

“Nah, just your mom,” Peter interrupted. “We called the others while we were looking all over Manhattan for some appropriate stuff to give you.”

 

“... Oh.” Egon laughed a little. “Sorry, sunshine. I don’t think I can stall it much longer.”

 

Ray sighed. “Alright… just make it as painless as possible for me and the baby? Please?”

 

Egon nodded and kissed Ray’s forehead again. “I’ll try.” He stood and left the room.

 

“Speakin’ of the little guy,” Peter said, as Winston transferred Quark into Peter’s arms (and Ray didn’t object), “You didn’t tell me his name.”

 

“Quark. Quark Raymond Egon Spengler-Stantz.”

 

“Oh, good God, Ray.”

 

“It’s tradition in Egon’s family to give the firstborn son his dad’s name as his middle name, and since he’s got two dads…”

 

“Five names. You poor little man,” Peter cooed to the baby, who snuffled and sneezed a bit in his face.

 

Ray snorted with laughter. “Give me my son, Peter. I need to try and feed him.”

 

“You’re breastfeeding?” Winston asked, quirking an eyebrow. “But what about-”

 

“Binding?” Ray finished the sentence for Winston. “Yeah, well… I don’t know, I kind of want the experience…”

 

“Hey, whatever floats your boat.” Peter gently handed Ray his baby. “Should we leave?”

 

“You’ve both seen me naked before.”

 

“Yeah, in the showers. It’s kind of different.”

 

“How?”

 

“I don’t know, actually. I just feel kind of weird intruding on a  moment like this with you and your kid.”

 

Then, it seemed like something sunk in for Peter, and he turned away with something like a sob. The other three quirked an eyebrow at this sudden display of emotion.

  
“Don’t be mad...but I totally had fifty dollars on it being a girl with Janine!” Peter managed, seemingly more overcome with the loss of petty cash than the birth of his two best friends’ baby.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they say it gets better, better, better, and better. All's well.

 

**Epilogue**

 

Ray stood over the crib and watched his son, a tender smile on his face. It had been about two weeks, but it felt like an eternity, and in a good way. Ray could barely remember life before Quark entered the picture.

 

Sometimes it still didn’t feel real.

 

He felt a hand on the small of his back, and Egon appeared at his side. “Watching him sleep again?” he asked, his arm wrapping around Ray’s waist. Ray nodded a little, gently stroking his son’s mop of curly hair.

 

“I hope he keeps those curls.”

 

“Mmm. He gets them from my side of the family.”

 

“Exactly why I want them to stay.” Ray smiled a little as their son gripped the cheerful little blanket Winston and Peter had presented him with at his birth. “He looks so much like you.”

 

“He has your eyes.”

 

“Yeah, but that’s about it.”

 

Egon felt a smile just like Ray’s split his features. The paternal instinct had kicked in hard and fast. “... I still have trouble believing we  _ made  _ him.”

 

“I know. It’s kind of surreal, isn’t it?”

 

Egon rubbed Ray’s back gently. “What isn’t surreal in our lives, sunshine?”

 

“That’s true.” Ray said. Quark’s attention turned up to them, and they both waved. The former reached down and picked up Quark and started babbling at him.

 

“Aww, look who’s Dada’s little drool baby? Who’s drooly?”

 

Egon frowned at him. “You can talk to him like a human.”

 

“Oh God, he’s only been outside for like two weeks, it’s fine.”

 

“We don’t have to patronize him, he is our son!” Egon insisted. “Isn’t that correct, Quark Raymond Egon?”

 

He was only met with a blank stare.

 

“He’s, like, two weeks old. He doesn’t have any kind of grasp on language yet.” Ray went back to babbling at Quark. “Daddy’s a big nerd, isn’t he? Yes he is. Yes he is!”

 

Egon rolled his eyes. “You two enjoy your enthralling conversation.” He straightened his glasses and made to leave the room.

 

“Awww, Egie, come on, don’t be such a sourpuss. Hold him a while.”

 

Unable to resist, Egon sighed a bit and took his son from Ray’s arms. “Your father is incredibly patronizing. As the offspring of two Ph.D holders and certified geniuses you deserve better treatment.”

 

Quark made a small, happy-sounding noise, and grabbed Egon’s nose.

 

“Quite.” Egon smiled and gently pried his son’s hand off his nose. “That’s what I thought.”

 

“You know, those aren't real smiles, it's just gas.” Ray laughed and nudged Egon’s shoulder. “When are Louis and Dana and Janine coming over, again?”

 

“Four, sunshine.” Egon bounced Quark gently in his arms. “You know, I could get used to paternity leave.”

 

“Well, don’t get too comfortable. Peter only gave us all this time off because he likes us.” Ray ran a finger over Quark’s arm gently. “... I hope we don’t screw this kid up.”

 

“I’m more concerned about Venkman doing that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has been Hella. I can't thank you all from consuming my dumb stress reliever writing, the brainchild of much headcanoning and screaming from myself and my partner in crime, Miso. I could never thank her enough for always being around when I wanted to scream. or write during my odd hours off in a way busy schedule. I'd also like to thank Osmosis Jones, The Real Ghostbusters, and The Boondocks for being there when things got real hard.


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